26 Weeks [Oct. 29th, 2007|03:31 pm]

26 Weeks since the last time I posted. 26 Weeks. 6.5 months. Take out 2.5 months for summer, and that's 3 months of teaching time. Since that last post, I have aquired my full certification. I was invited to and attended a Technology conference. I have taken over our school's webpage, am pushing for our Tech club to get going, and have learned about making movies.
I no longer teach resource, or Social Studies. Instead, I spend all day co-teaching Language Arts.
Did I mention how very exhausted I am?
This year has been tough. Yes, my first year is over. Sure, I'm doing well, and am valued by my administrators. However, that carries added responsibility. No more newbie mistakes, or at least not very many. I feel the weight of my new responsibilities, and my own expectations, so heavily.
You k now, I remember a time when I wanted to have the relationship with the kids so they would trust me, and confide in me. Working in the positions I had previously, where I was so scattered, I didn't have time to build those relationships. Now I do. I have. And I almost wish I didn't know.
Kids are funny. You think they hate you, and then suddenly you sit down for a minute, and the flood gates open. Both times this has happened to me (yup only two so far) I have just sat there and listened. I'm honored that they trust me, but my heart breaks for them.
I act sympathetic, but normal. Freaking out doesn't help, I know that from personal experience. When your hurting so badly, you want to know your ok, that you're not a freak. The hardest part is knowing I can't fix this for them. I can't make it better. I want to just hug them till it all goes away, and I can't.
Responsibility. I must help these kids, but how can I? Just taking them to the counselor doesn't seem enough. I k now it is often all I can do, but I want to do more. I know all I can do is listen, care for them, and get them the help they need. I just wish I could do more. I feel compelled to fix things. And there is no easy fix.
One little girl, just poured out so much to me. So many horrible things that had happened to her, and how she had dealt with them, or hadn't dealt with them. No one to help her. I hope we can get her help.
So, blessings, with tears. I have their trust, but I didn't know how much of a burden that would be.