An Interesting Week

This past week was full of downs and ups. Yes, I recognize the phrase is "ups and downs", but the timeing was off for me. I started off the week with alot of drama happening. I ended it with some great experiences. Here's the play by play:

Monday: I had a sweet kiddo I had to restrain to keep him from hurting himself. It felt like I was holding him forever. When it was finally over and someone who has much more experience came to take over, I was just kinda limp. The class it happened in isn't easy for me anyway, so I made an excuse and took a few minutes to just sorta sit (It's two teachers in the room, so it was easier to do) and process. That night I struggled with guilt, feeling like I should have been more attentive to him, known that he was about to blow. I know that there is nothing I could have done, but right after something like that, it's hard to recognize.

Tuesday:The highlight of this day was going to our Special Ed meeting. I got to see several old friends from the school I used to work at. That was very nice. I also found out how things had played out with my kiddo from Monday. I'm still concerned, but not as much as I was before. I think I have an idea of how to help him now.

Wednesday: This was very long day. I was up early to bring up my ferret cage. I had a mentoring meeting after school, and immeadetly after that I had a faculty meeting. My husband picked me up. We ate dinner and went to our homegroup (a church thing). I was home after 10.
Oh, and it was a pullout day for Language Arts, so I was with my tough class without their regular teacher.

Thursday: I was yawning the whole time, but it was kinda funny. The class I'm the teacher for was supposed to have a guest speaker that day, but he was running late. So, I told them they could read for that period, either a book or something educational. Oh, there was much griping!
This class is boring! I don't want to be in here anymore! Silly me, I forgot they could have worked on their Power Points!

Friday: This was the good day. I brought my ferret up to finish off our Rikki Tikki Tavi lesson. I also had my program evaluator there for my first evaluation. My LA class was sooo excited about seeing Java, though only one student would touch him. When I presented later that day to a friends class, they were equally interested, and much more bold. Java was exhausted,but he enjoyed himself. I was able to end the week on a positive note, which I truly needed. As my evaluator told me, these kids will never forget Rikki Tikki Tavi now.

Dark Reality

They hardest challenge I have faced as an educator is inability to fix my student's problems. I want to hug them and make all the hurt go away. But it doesn't work like that. Their reality is theirs, not mine. All I can do is help them deal with it, and pray for them.
What has brought on this melancholy? I was reminded recently of the rough places some of my students come from. With the problems these kids have, it is amazing they are able to function, much less learn. Everything from parent's being in jail to being abused are burden's these children have to bear. Some wear ankle monitoring devices. Many have parole officers. All of them, or at least it seems that way to me, are hurting.
I can't hug the pain away. All I can do is let them know I care, by providing the consitency and stability so many are lacking. Along with true interest in their lives. In some situations, I will file a report with the Department of Family Services. In others, I may have to call the police.
Mostly, I can only be there, to help give them the tools they need to deal with their reality.
Some days, I really wish my chalk were a magic wand.

3 weeks in and what do you get?

Sore feet. Perspective. Exhaustion. All of these things have accompanied my 1st 3 weeks of teaching.
Would I make the decision to teach again?
You betcha.
I love this. Even when my kids don't get what I'm trying to tell them.
I am so much more fullfilled here than I ever was as an assistant.

That being said, I am facince numerous challenges.
Lesson planning is eating my lunch. Teaching resource, there is just no standardization. My kids are around a 5th and 6th grade level. We are in Middle School. No one here has a 5th grade book. I'm not real sure of the standards for 5th grade.
And I have so many doubts.
Am I reaching them?
Are my lessons effective?
What about discipline? Am I doing ok on that?
Am I too nice? Am I too mean?
Should I assign homework?
What's the difference between easy and challenging?
How do you get there without the kids giving up?

I'm sure this is normal. I know the 1st year teaching is tough. Yet I can't quite escape the visions of getting fired, and then trying to pick up the peices. Can I make the grade? Can I help my kids learn?
This is what I don't know.

August 24th, 2006

I started off this day in the most illustrious way: by getting a ticket in a freaking school zone!
I took a different route to work, and I noticed the crossing guard. I even thought to myself “I need to remember that this is a school zone.”
I don’t know if I forgot immeadetly, or if I thought I was back at my other school, where the limit was 35. It wasn’t 35. It was 20. I was pulled over by one of the city’s finest, who was very polite and professional, but still gave me a ticket.
And one more fun fact, I have a CDL, which means I can’t take defensive driving.
Yup, it was a great start.
However, I decided to use this as an object lesson for my Resource class. I was reteaching classroom procedures anyway, and I thought this would be a good way to talk about consequences. Especially about sometimes consequences happen when you weren’t trying to be bad.
Amidst the responses of
“I woulda told that cop what to do with it”
and
“ I woulda run him over”
I think I made the kiddos think. It was a great opportunity to talk about accepting responsibility. I know they were probably frustrated with my lecture, but they were quieter (heavy on the “er”) when I told them that when you screw up, it’s better to admit it and take your consequences, that you will be more respected that way.
One thing is for sure, they don’t know what to make of me. And I think that ‘s a good thing. If they are trying to figure me out, they haven’t written me off. And I can work with that.

Rookie Teacher Archive 1

8/23/2006
A Middle School
Somewhere in Central Texas

School started a little over a week ago, and I am alternately exhausted, energized, overjoyed, and cowering in the corner. There is a lot more of the exhausted and cowering, but I am enjoying myself.
But I should start at the beginning, and to how I obtained this position.
One Friday near the end of June, I received a phone call, but I didn’t reach it in time. No voicemail was left, but I recognized the 1st three numbers as belonging either to the city or the school district.
I had only interviewed two times before this, so I was eager. Yes, it was merely June, but I foresaw my future stretching out, interviewless and forever trapped as a Assistant Teacher. Ok, so I’m dramatic, well melo dramatic. I’m a writer, so sue me.
As I was saying, I recognized the numbers, so I called back. Voice mail. It took me a little while to realize it was a school voicemail, so I hung up without leaving a message. I might mention that I was in the car at the time and had pulled over, so I wasn’t interested in lolling about.
I pulled back onto the road and it clicked: I think she said “So & So of Famous Name Here Middle School, please leave a message.
But I didn’t work at FMH Middle School, so why would someone be calling me? I pulled over again, and called back, this time leaving a message. Then Principal S. called me. She was interested in interviewing me.
To make a long story not quite as long, I spoke with Principal S 3 more times, scheduled my Content Test for a week later, and arranged an interview.
I took the test, but didn’t receive my scaled score (aka didn’t know if I’d really passed or not) for a week, however the interview went very well. And I was hired.
That was back in July. In August, I sit (run actually most days) looking at the bright faces of the student’s I’m teaching, and I still can’t believe it. I would be far more frightened if I wasn’t so tired.