Comments to my livejournal

Somebody in Uncertainty
I do not think you will have to worry about the future, as we need great folks at the school who believe in what we are doing. The path is not easy! Teachers were asked to volunteer first, then teachers were asked if they might be leaving the school (Link) (Reply)

Somebody in Journals
Hey, I just read all your entries and I have to tell you the philosophy that got me through teaching special ed, working at an alternative school and being an administrator. Being an idealist got me there every day and being realistic kept me there. (Link) (Reply)

Reflections [Feb. 28th, 2008|02:19 pm]

Sorry Data Diva, but I can't remember the exact assignment, I just know it had something to do with what we have come to discover we do well.

Right now, I feel like I yell really well. I can really work that diaphram. I also get annoyed very well. I know it's that time of year, but I don't feel like a very good teacher right now. I want to be, but I'm just so tired. . . But enough moping. I will pretend to be happy, and perhaps it will come true.

One of my co-teachers called me a digital translator after I expressed a way we could relate a concept to the kids. I started thinking about it, and that is something I do well on a daily basis. I take the boring concepts we ahve to teach, and my brain goes into overdrive to find something we can relate them to that the kids will get.
I don't know where I learned this. I know it started when I was a teacher's aide. My students cracked up when I explained Europeans displacing American Indians as "These white guys were hatin on the Indians". Murray kept chuckling and saying "She said 'hatin'".
See, you have to make it personal for these kids. Get them to see the concept as a part of their life. Josh totally didn't get why the Indians were mad they had to move to a reservation, until I asked him how he would feel if "Some guys moved in next door and told you you had to leave your house, it was theirs now". I thought he was ready to go fight his neighbors right then and there.

Since I have come to my current school, the focus of what I translate is a little different. I talk a lot more about myspace, text messages, and google, but the point is, you still have to relate it something the kids not only know, but care about.

Maybe I am a Digital Translator. I hope the ability to connect with my students doesn't disapear as I get older. Or will my digital native language skills just grow stronger with time? It should be interesting to find out.

Privilege and Power [Jan. 25th, 2008|09:22 pm]

I remember working at my old school in Content Mastery. I was envious of hte teacher's who got to know the kids well enough to have the kids open up to them. I saw them do so much good, and yet I felt like I was spinning my wheels. I didn't know what I was being envious of.
Theh first time a student entrusted me with the horrors of her life, it was all I could do to hold myself together long enough to help her.
But I did, and seeing the load lightened on her soul made it worth it.
This time, the load is not so burdensome. I am concerned, but not breaking down myself. Most of what is bothering me is wondering if I did everything I could to help her, or did the best of what I could do.
Sometimes, the weight of my student's lives threatens to crush me. It's hard to care so much. But when you see those lives get just a little bit better, the weight doesn't seem so bad. It's worth it. Helping them, is just worth it.

Spring Goals [Jan. 6th, 2008|06:37 pm]

Sit down less during class: This one is kinda of teaching 101, but I have found myself falling prey to the sit down tempation. Sitting is comfortable. I like sitting. I like being at my desk, my own little space. But that isn't good teaching. Good teaching is going around the room and helping students. By circulating, I prevent/catch discipline issues. I can answer questions more easily. Plus, it's better for me physically. So, I have to get out of my sedentary self and avoid my desk. Not like I my desk is useful with it's constant stay of messiness.
I wonder if there is a way to make the desk harder to use, so I won't be as tempted to sit?

Get the Tech Club up and Running: Specific ways to do this-blitz teh campus with adds about the meeting. Then have the students dive right into fun things, such as making videos (TAKS TIPs commercials perhaps?). Also pick several kiddos to work on website. Finally, come up with goals for next year for tech club. Oh, maybe a quick field trip?

Use my organizational tools daily: I start using a tool, and then I flit to something else. I need to use my tools consistently to get any benefit from them.

These aren't "resolutions" which are vague. These are goals to make myself a more effective teacher, with some ways to achieve my goals. Now lets just see how they turn outl.

Uncertainty [Dec. 16th, 2007|01:23 am]

I really like where I work. I like the kids. I like my co-workers. And, I trust my Admins. Why didn't I use like? Well, with your boss, it's more important whether you can trust them. I have worked with folks who are great people, but terrible bosses. So, I like the Administrators at our school.
But there is a problem. A new school is opening. I thought it would be a good thing. Take care of some of the over crowding...nope. Our school will stay about the same size. Oh and guess what? We have to give up teachers. If not enough people transfer willingly, it sounds like they plan to make us go over there.
Did I mention that I like where and who I work with?
Sure, they aren't likely to take a teacher just starting her third year. Except I am a good teacher. Oh I still have alot to learn, don't get me wrong, but I'm pretty good at this. I'm good with tech, and I do things for the school because they need to be done.
So, they may want me. And I don't want to go.
I'm not saying the staff there are bad. I don't know. I don't know anything about the head principal. He might be great. But it's the chance he might not be great, when I have a great principal already, that worries me.
But what if they leave me and take my department head? She rocks! The school wouldn't be the same if she left.
I get it. They don't want to hire all new staff. That's not a good way to start a school. But stripping other schools of their staff isn't fair either.
I don't like change. I'm happy where I work, and who I work with. Can't they just take the volunteers, and hire the rest?

Makes Me Sick [Nov. 18th, 2007|04:52 pm]

I am working on a unit for my 7th graders research and source reliability. As you can imagine, 12 and 13 year olds aren't always very savvy in regards to what is true on the internet and what isn't. As part of this unit, I am going to show my class screen-shots from a Martin Luther King Jr. Website that on the surface appears very benign. In reality, it is anything but. The site is hosted by a white supremacist group. (I am not mentioning the groups name, or website address, simply because I will not publicize, route, or in any other way support these people. If you are an educator, and you would like more information on this site to use in a way similar to how I am using it, contact me via the comments section of my journal.)
As I was saying, I am taking screen-shots of this site, and it is all I can do to not vomit. The hatred and ignorance here are intolerable. And the subterfuge used by this hate organization, to make people think they are just another informational site, is disgusting.
The only thing that kept me from closing my browser, is I know that pictures of this site will get through to my students that not everything on the internet is true. I don't know that anything else will have this powerful of an effect. I will need to warn my administrators, and I wonder if I should send a letter home?
7th grade is a difficult age. Still children, becoming adults. How much do we let them experience, how little do we protect?
I may have to wait a while to use the horrible pictures I have taken. I don't know that I can stomach them right now.

Professionalism [Nov. 14th, 2007|02:13 pm]

I am so angry. And I don't know if I have a right to be. Am I letting something get to me that shouldn't, or is my anger justified?
Earlier today, I went to our LA planning meeting. I have been working my tail off to create a great unit for our research. I have sought feedback from multiple sources, including the LA department head. So far, everything has been constructive "Great ideas, add this to be more effective", "How will this work? What are you going to do to implement this?" So I was excited about presenting this before our team. All the signals I was getting were, this is great, roll with it.
I knew something was wrong as I started discussing it. Half the room was just silent, staring. When they did finally speak, it wasn't to tell me that they wanted to do a different part of research, it was to tell me what all was wrong. We don't want to start that now, well we are going to have to research twice then with the persuausion paper, how are we going to finish this paper for so and so. Nothing positive. Nothing making suggestions. Just telling us all how bad it was. How it wouldn't work for her class.
What is the point of planning with LA if they are going to act so disdainful of my help? Im trying not to take it personally. I could have taken positive changes, or even "That won't work for us, we are doing something different", but just saying "That's bad," and "Here's all the problems with your ideas" left me so discouraged.
So what do I do now? I don't want to come back on Friday. I can't even look at that teacher, I'm so angry. It isn't personal, but it is. Would I feel this way if I hadn't sought feedback from our Department head? Does that give me perceived legitimacy? Do I deserve that legitimacy? Why can't she see that this is a lesson plan the kids will get into, and start thinking of ways to make it work, instead of just saying all that is wrong? How do I keep from being un-proffesional now?

[Oct. 31st, 2007|08:09 am]

They say what does not kill us makes us stronger. You can call me Hercules.
My second year of teaching has brought with it so many new challenges, both in school and at home.
This has left me feeling so overwhelmed.
J is back at school, and that is proving extra challenging. He is doing great, but he wants a 4.0 so can get off scholastic probation this semester. Once he's off Sco-Pro, then he can get his school ring. Not to mention that getting a 4.0 would tell him, and everyone else, "Yes, I can do this." And J needs that right now.
Then our little ferret Cream started acting real funny last night. He was breathing real funny, Every so often he would start gasping. And he was so listless. Poor little guy. Turns out there is something in him that isn't supposed to be there, either tumor or obstruction. So, he will get surgery today. $1000 bucks right there gone. But, he's worth it. He's my little guy. When I was holding him on the way to the vet, he layed there so quiet, so sweet.
So, that's a portion of the personal stuff. As far as teaching, check the post before this one. The good news is that little girl seemed calmer the next day, not as confrontational. I helped her. That is helping me deal with the emotions of wanting to protect her, and not being able to.
So, Once more into the breach!

26 Weeks [Oct. 29th, 2007|03:31 pm]

26 Weeks since the last time I posted. 26 Weeks. 6.5 months. Take out 2.5 months for summer, and that's 3 months of teaching time. Since that last post, I have aquired my full certification. I was invited to and attended a Technology conference. I have taken over our school's webpage, am pushing for our Tech club to get going, and have learned about making movies.
I no longer teach resource, or Social Studies. Instead, I spend all day co-teaching Language Arts.
Did I mention how very exhausted I am?
This year has been tough. Yes, my first year is over. Sure, I'm doing well, and am valued by my administrators. However, that carries added responsibility. No more newbie mistakes, or at least not very many. I feel the weight of my new responsibilities, and my own expectations, so heavily.
You k now, I remember a time when I wanted to have the relationship with the kids so they would trust me, and confide in me. Working in the positions I had previously, where I was so scattered, I didn't have time to build those relationships. Now I do. I have. And I almost wish I didn't know.
Kids are funny. You think they hate you, and then suddenly you sit down for a minute, and the flood gates open. Both times this has happened to me (yup only two so far) I have just sat there and listened. I'm honored that they trust me, but my heart breaks for them.
I act sympathetic, but normal. Freaking out doesn't help, I know that from personal experience. When your hurting so badly, you want to know your ok, that you're not a freak. The hardest part is knowing I can't fix this for them. I can't make it better. I want to just hug them till it all goes away, and I can't.
Responsibility. I must help these kids, but how can I? Just taking them to the counselor doesn't seem enough. I k now it is often all I can do, but I want to do more. I know all I can do is listen, care for them, and get them the help they need. I just wish I could do more. I feel compelled to fix things. And there is no easy fix.
One little girl, just poured out so much to me. So many horrible things that had happened to her, and how she had dealt with them, or hadn't dealt with them. No one to help her. I hope we can get her help.
So, blessings, with tears. I have their trust, but I didn't know how much of a burden that would be.

[Apr. 28th, 2007|10:52 pm]

TAKS is over, we are counting down the days till school is out, and the kids are freaking crazy. I have signed my contract for next year, aced my PPR test (necessary to be fully certified), and am becoming recognized for my fearless technology. Not necessarily talented, but fearless.
Currently, I am again playing Myspace detective, and am in a very frustrated/satisfied place. Here's the thing. I don't want my students to be stupid about myspace. I want them to mark their profiles private, and make them hard to find. But finding different students on myspace was such a rush. It was the thrill of outsmarting 11-14yr olds.
Yes, I know I'm soooo mature, but after dealing with Mr. "Don't give me attitude", Sir "Poster child for ADHD" and finally Ms. "I talk this way to my mom, you can't tell me not to", it is nice to have the upper hand. (I will eventually come up with shorter nicknames so I can share the horror stories of these children).
So, our school goes through a program Netsmartz.org, and it was very useful. I can't find even half as many of our stinking kids! The ones I do find are being smarter! I am so happy this is the case but dangit, now I'm bored.
Thing is, I know Mr. Attitude is has a new page ( I managed to get his 3 pages deleted..hehehe), but I can't find it! What sort of myspace detective am I if I can't even find one measly middle schooler.
Hurray and Phooy

[Mar. 24th, 2007|11:06 pm]

I feel a little sick.
I know my kids have pages on myspace. So I decided to try to find one.
It was far to easy.
I entered one of my students name. Then I limited my search to within 5 miles of the school's zipcode. Bam, number 3 on my list is a picture of student #1. I go to his profile. He's lied about his age, given a bit too much personal information, nothing to terrible at a quick glance. Then I look at his comments and friends list. Bam, several other of my students there. One has her full name as her username. Another, when I go to her page has a picture with her full name visible. Also, she mentions where she goes to school,and lists her town.
I've got a long night ahead of me, and possibly several parent phone calls.
Oi.

Spring Break [Mar. 9th, 2007|08:03 am]

Woot! I just gotta get through 8 hours.
Yesterday, I downloaded a trial version of Macromedia Flash. You know, I tend to be one of the more expertish at technology teachers in my school. I realize that I am at best an advanced amateur, but I feel pretty advanced in my environment. Then I decide it's time to get out of my box, so I look at more advanced programs. This time around, I stuck my head out, looked at flash, and ran screaming back inside. I have definitly been reminded that I am a little fish in a big ocean.

Silly dreams [Feb. 18th, 2007|09:32 pm]

I'm an interesting study. I enjoy compliments immensely, but at the same time, I have no idea how to handle htem. So I end up avoiding them too. how is it possible to be attention hungry as well as shy?
So I kinda laugh at myself when I think about my most recent dream. Teacher of the Year. If it actually happened, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I am not even sure I'll be eligble this year. You have to at least work for the district for 3 years, but do you have to be a teacher for 3 years. I have the former (this year) but not the latter.
On an entirely different note, this is both the longest I've held any job (even including seasonal work) and more than triple the length of any post college job. Go job longetivity!

Worst class [Feb. 13th, 2007|01:32 pm]

I have never wanted to cry as much as I have today. Frustration does that to me. H is being obstinate, 4/5 is hell, as usual, and I am wondering, what part do I play in this classes issues?
Is it fair for me to lay all the blame at W's feet? Is it worse because I am also in some sort of unhealthy dynamic with these kids? Is this class salvageble?
I odn't know. I have lost all perspective on this class. I don't know what I should do, what I shouldn't, who is good and who is bad. I know I hate it here. I don't even want to see these kids. I want to just bail every day. And you know what? They do better when I'm not here. Am I hte problem? Or am I like the parent who has to do the discipline, while the other just buys ice cream?
Whatever the case, I don't have anything left. I just don't have anything left.

[Feb. 12th, 2007|08:14 pm]

Some days, I feel completely overwhelmed. Often this happens when I'm exploring the internet, looking for resources for my classes. The amount of information is overwhelming. At the same time, what I need to teach these kids is overwhelming. Perhaps I need to find a new word, as overwhelmed is getting used alot in this post already.
So I'm sitting in a restaraunt right now, wondering, how the hell can I best make use of this stuff? What is the best way to teach these kids? Where do I start? What do I include? How can I motivate them to try? What if the lesson flops, or the website stops working?
I've made choices too based on this overwhelmed feeling. Scary choices.
You see, I love my resource class. I love making these lessons, finding things to interest my kids, breaking away from the mainstream.
But it is so much work. And my options for next year are Co-Teach or all Resource. I can't face the idea of that many lesson plans, that much exhaustive planning. I don't think I could do it. Not the way I would want to.
But can I give it up? Can I really just be a glorified Aide? That is what Co-teach is this year. Perhaps it will be better next year, but it is hard to tell.

Oh boy [Feb. 7th, 2007|06:18 pm]

Well, I have volunteered for yet more work. I don't want to. I really don't. But the kids need the help. They want to learn.
Soooo, on Monday & Wednesdays, I will be offering tutoring in basic math skills to students I have in class.
I know, I'm a Language Arts teacher. What on earth am I doing?
I have said since I came into education, quit griping about what the kids should know and just teach them.
Well, I need to quit thinking about what I teach during the day, and just teach the kids. They want to know how to multiply and divide. Even if they know the right processes on the higher level math, if they get stuck at 7 x 9, they are still stuck.
I can't fix the school. I can't raise all the math scores. but maybe I can teach 6-10 kids how to do basic math. Maybe I can be key in their being successful. That's my hope.

Tired [Feb. 6th, 2007|09:08 am]

We just got the scores back from our latest checkpoints. They were worse than this time last year.
Now I know all the things that affect this. I know kids don't take checkpoints that seriously. I know the change in procedures was hard on them. But still. We have all been working so hard. For what? We just can't teach these kids math.
but, perhaps we will do what finally needs to be done. Go back and teach them what the elementary schools never did. How to multiply and divide.
Knowing the steps does not help, if you can't multiply. Now, I am trying to figure out what I can do. I'm language arts. But I have to help some how. If for no other reason than our kids need these skills.

Yay Inclusion [Jan. 30th, 2007|02:44 pm]

Two of my boys in my resource class took and on-level checkpoint last week and over half of their problems were correct. I love it when we can get these kids in the regular classroom. They are both so pumped!

rookieteacher - Tech Geek [Jan. 30th, 2007|02:36 pm]

Technology is one area I feel I can really shine in. When my class is wild, I can take solace in the fact that my Inspirations are great. When my lesson falls flat, I will work on my web page later that day. I get such a thrill when I can help other teachers with the technology, opening up new worlds to them. In some ways, it is more exciting than teaching the kids. The kids pick up Tech pretty quick. They inherently accept it's value. Teachers however, many of whom only recently began to use computers, need that value proven again and again. It is wonderful when I'm able to do that.

rookieteacher - 6th period [Jan. 30th, 2007|02:35 pm]

I am exhausted. Some days, I come to 6th period, and I'm ok. My block class wasn't too bad. Other days, I come, and I wonder how I can make it for the rest of the year. We have so many challenging kids, and my co-teacher is not equipped to deal with today's "challenging" students. Could I do better, were I the teacher? I don't know. All I know is my hands are currently tied.
There have been improvements. She is trying new strategies. But her lessons are so boring! No wonder the kids act up. Nothing she does is interesting, even to me. Yet she thinks these print outs she's making the kids read are just great. It's hard to be in this situation. She's a nice lady, but she seems so disconnected from today's kids. I feel like I should fix the problem, but how can I? She contradicts me often enough.
Just a few more months. That's all I have to do, is make it a few more months.

rookieteacher - Digital-Immigrant, Native, and Inbetween [Jan. 13th, 2007|11:13 pm]

At my school, we are part of a grant that provides laptops. Talk about being immersed in technology. After 4 months of this, I have become very thoughtful on how much technology has changed in my lifetime. But first, some vocabulary.

Digital Immigrant: Most people 30 & above. Imigrants weren't born into a world of technology and computers. Like the names suggests, Immigrants are trying to adapt to a foreign culture.

Digital Natives: These kids have been inundated with technology their whole lives, and using it as natural as breathing. To Natives, email is for old people, they text and chat.

Native 1.0: Not an official term, but I am using it to describe those of us who were born near or just after computers first became useful to the common man. N 1.0's demonstrate most attributes of Natives, but will have some attributes of Immigrants as well. I place myself in this category

After quizing my parents, I learned that our first computer was an Atari 400, purchased in 1981. I was 2.
Memory ranging from 8-to a whopping 48K, this bad boy came with one cartridge slot, and two internal expansion slot. All for a measly 600 dollars.

I laugh looking back. How could we have ever used such a dinky machine? But at the time, computers in the home were pretty rare. The year I was born(1979), personal computers in homes reached a whopping half a million. By 2002, over 1 billion PC's had been shipped nationwide (Computer Hope).
I guess you could say, my parents were some of the original PC immigrants. I've spent 27 years watching computers rapidly change, when I was younger mostly from watching my dad.

Still, it is amazing to me to look at todays kids. They can't imagine a time without technology, whereas I can remember a time when technology was rare. My parents remember punch cards, I remember cartridges. What will 12 year olds today recall? The outdated PS2? When IPods were first introduced? Perhaps when the purchased/were given their first 1 Gb thumdrive.

Popsicle Sticks and Timers [Jan. 11th, 2007|03:27 pm]

I finally got things together enough to do a couple of tricks I have been told are great for classroom managment. 1) I brought my dang kitchen timer. That was a lifesaver. It kept me on task, and put a concrete end different parts of the class. The kids didn't dally as much because they were watching that timer. And, when they didn't finish because they were goofing off, too bad so sad, it's homework. 2)I used the popsicle sticks. You wouldn't think it would be necessary to have a random way to call on kids with only 8 students but it really is. Sure they griped about it when I would draw their name, but it held them accountable. It didn't work too well on the questions, but it was the first time I've used it. On the reading however, it was awesome. I would have the last kid who read pull the stick for the next kid. If they refused to read, -10 points on participation, and I moved on. I only had one student refuse. I have never had a class run that smoothly. Minimal disruptions, great productivity, it rocked!

Christmas is Over (1/4/07)

Yup, Christmas, and Christmas break, are over. It has been very difficult to come back to work. Yesterday was ok, as the teachers were tired and the students were tired. I struggled through another disjointed lesson. This time I was trying to introduce this units academic vocabulary. In some ways it went well. The word documents I created to give instructions included pictures. The kids were mostly able to follow it. But too many computers were not working. Add to that, all they had to do was cut and paste once they found the definition. Did they learn? How can I further integrate these words? I often feel that I am just throwing information at these kids hopeing they manage to catch some of it.
Today I realized that my lesson had changed, while my written objective had not. Ooops. I tried to integrate the old objective and add the new, but it felt akward.
And now, my co-teacher is falling back into old habits. As am I.
Perhaps I now know enough to realize I don't know anything about teaching.

Dec 6, 2006 (original publish date)

Finding books my kids can both read and are interested in is a constant struggle. So I was incredibly excited when one of our local librarians put several aside for me that are low level/high interest for minority students. 20 books for me to look through. Now the question is, how can I get my hands on more than just one?
Here is the list that I have so far.

145th Street Short Stories
By Walter Myers
Reading Level:5.1
(I love this one. The kids can read it in little bits, it is relevant to their lives, and it is in language they understand)

Slam
By Walter Myers
Reading Level: 4.5
(I'm pretty sure this was recommended by Mrs. G who taught the Freedom Writers)

Several Hip Hop Biographies that are perfect for individual book reports. I'll post a complete list later. Now to just finagle a way to get some for my class.

Oct 23rd, 2006 (Original Publish Date)

I am so very tired right now. I have avoided posting, because I wanted a positive post. But when I've had positive moments, I haven't thought about writing. So, either lots of negative posts, or no posts at all. So I'm going to talk about successes first
Juvie is behaving himself. He ahs been very quiet the past few days, and working very hard.
Crazy 4 has regained some sanity. Taht class isn't torture right now.

Right now I'm exhausted, and doubting my lessons. Am I teaching? Are they learning?

That's what gets to me.

On Monday I passed out these cute journals I found at the dollar store. I was so excited to be able to give my kiddos REAL journals, not just spiral notebooks. They were excited too.
I told them we'd be journaling everyday for the next two weeks while we studied Anne Frank. Then I showed them my 4 journals. I read an entry from 1995, when I was sixteen, that I wrote on the day of the Oklahoma City bombing. I explained what had happened, who had perpetrated the event, how many had died. By the time I was done, my boys were talking about going to "Jump" Timothy McVey. Believe it or not, that comment is kinda sweet. That's how my kids show their disgust with his behavior.
So we have been journaling for two days. I read the first days entries, and nearly cried. This was the best writing I had seen my kids do. They wanted to write! My little girl keeps asking to take hers home.
If we learn nothing else from this unit on Anne Frank, at least they will have learned to love journaling.

Comment from someone on my old livejournal:

Hey, I just read all your entries and I have to tell you the philosophy that got me through teaching special ed, working at an alternative school and being an administrator. Being an idealist got me there every day and being realistic kept me there. I know you're an idealist with that sociology degree and you prove it with the words about your students and their lives. The danger? Becoming cynical. Scratch any old cynic and the idealist is just under the surface. Being real about it all keeps that from happening. It is enough to be there for your students every day, and they can count on the "climate" being the same every day wherever you are. They don't have to worry about Teacher's moods or whether she's happy or sad, because with Teacher, the weather is always the same. Get it? Now smile and pat yourself on the back.

SMW

Anger Ahead

That's how I feel. Like I'm not worth the admins time.
I really don't think they value us.

Oops, we don't have enough subs, lets get the sped people first. They don't need conference times.
Forget that we have 3 times the paperwork.
We made a mistake, and we need SAC covered by sped,
Nope, no worries, their kids don't need consistency.
But hey, I get stuck with a well meaning but horrible co-teacher
Too bad, we can't make any changes, even though it you only have 4 kids in your class who would be moved.
Now they are bringing in a new math teacher, and they are taking away our resource room.
Sure, I know they need the room. But they do all these changes, stress us out, makes us relearn our job each week, and they wonder when we screw up?
But hey, we're just Sped. It's not like we matter.

(Edit: 3 years later, my opinion has changed for most of our administrators. And I think their opinions of us have changed as well. I trust my principle to do the best thing for the kids, and for the staff. Though I don't envy her that job, as it is a tough one.)

An Interesting Week

This past week was full of downs and ups. Yes, I recognize the phrase is "ups and downs", but the timeing was off for me. I started off the week with alot of drama happening. I ended it with some great experiences. Here's the play by play:

Monday: I had a sweet kiddo I had to restrain to keep him from hurting himself. It felt like I was holding him forever. When it was finally over and someone who has much more experience came to take over, I was just kinda limp. The class it happened in isn't easy for me anyway, so I made an excuse and took a few minutes to just sorta sit (It's two teachers in the room, so it was easier to do) and process. That night I struggled with guilt, feeling like I should have been more attentive to him, known that he was about to blow. I know that there is nothing I could have done, but right after something like that, it's hard to recognize.

Tuesday:The highlight of this day was going to our Special Ed meeting. I got to see several old friends from the school I used to work at. That was very nice. I also found out how things had played out with my kiddo from Monday. I'm still concerned, but not as much as I was before. I think I have an idea of how to help him now.

Wednesday: This was very long day. I was up early to bring up my ferret cage. I had a mentoring meeting after school, and immeadetly after that I had a faculty meeting. My husband picked me up. We ate dinner and went to our homegroup (a church thing). I was home after 10.
Oh, and it was a pullout day for Language Arts, so I was with my tough class without their regular teacher.

Thursday: I was yawning the whole time, but it was kinda funny. The class I'm the teacher for was supposed to have a guest speaker that day, but he was running late. So, I told them they could read for that period, either a book or something educational. Oh, there was much griping!
This class is boring! I don't want to be in here anymore! Silly me, I forgot they could have worked on their Power Points!

Friday: This was the good day. I brought my ferret up to finish off our Rikki Tikki Tavi lesson. I also had my program evaluator there for my first evaluation. My LA class was sooo excited about seeing Java, though only one student would touch him. When I presented later that day to a friends class, they were equally interested, and much more bold. Java was exhausted,but he enjoyed himself. I was able to end the week on a positive note, which I truly needed. As my evaluator told me, these kids will never forget Rikki Tikki Tavi now.

Dark Reality

They hardest challenge I have faced as an educator is inability to fix my student's problems. I want to hug them and make all the hurt go away. But it doesn't work like that. Their reality is theirs, not mine. All I can do is help them deal with it, and pray for them.
What has brought on this melancholy? I was reminded recently of the rough places some of my students come from. With the problems these kids have, it is amazing they are able to function, much less learn. Everything from parent's being in jail to being abused are burden's these children have to bear. Some wear ankle monitoring devices. Many have parole officers. All of them, or at least it seems that way to me, are hurting.
I can't hug the pain away. All I can do is let them know I care, by providing the consitency and stability so many are lacking. Along with true interest in their lives. In some situations, I will file a report with the Department of Family Services. In others, I may have to call the police.
Mostly, I can only be there, to help give them the tools they need to deal with their reality.
Some days, I really wish my chalk were a magic wand.

3 weeks in and what do you get?

Sore feet. Perspective. Exhaustion. All of these things have accompanied my 1st 3 weeks of teaching.
Would I make the decision to teach again?
You betcha.
I love this. Even when my kids don't get what I'm trying to tell them.
I am so much more fullfilled here than I ever was as an assistant.

That being said, I am facince numerous challenges.
Lesson planning is eating my lunch. Teaching resource, there is just no standardization. My kids are around a 5th and 6th grade level. We are in Middle School. No one here has a 5th grade book. I'm not real sure of the standards for 5th grade.
And I have so many doubts.
Am I reaching them?
Are my lessons effective?
What about discipline? Am I doing ok on that?
Am I too nice? Am I too mean?
Should I assign homework?
What's the difference between easy and challenging?
How do you get there without the kids giving up?

I'm sure this is normal. I know the 1st year teaching is tough. Yet I can't quite escape the visions of getting fired, and then trying to pick up the peices. Can I make the grade? Can I help my kids learn?
This is what I don't know.

August 24th, 2006

I started off this day in the most illustrious way: by getting a ticket in a freaking school zone!
I took a different route to work, and I noticed the crossing guard. I even thought to myself “I need to remember that this is a school zone.”
I don’t know if I forgot immeadetly, or if I thought I was back at my other school, where the limit was 35. It wasn’t 35. It was 20. I was pulled over by one of the city’s finest, who was very polite and professional, but still gave me a ticket.
And one more fun fact, I have a CDL, which means I can’t take defensive driving.
Yup, it was a great start.
However, I decided to use this as an object lesson for my Resource class. I was reteaching classroom procedures anyway, and I thought this would be a good way to talk about consequences. Especially about sometimes consequences happen when you weren’t trying to be bad.
Amidst the responses of
“I woulda told that cop what to do with it”
and
“ I woulda run him over”
I think I made the kiddos think. It was a great opportunity to talk about accepting responsibility. I know they were probably frustrated with my lecture, but they were quieter (heavy on the “er”) when I told them that when you screw up, it’s better to admit it and take your consequences, that you will be more respected that way.
One thing is for sure, they don’t know what to make of me. And I think that ‘s a good thing. If they are trying to figure me out, they haven’t written me off. And I can work with that.

Rookie Teacher Archive 1

8/23/2006
A Middle School
Somewhere in Central Texas

School started a little over a week ago, and I am alternately exhausted, energized, overjoyed, and cowering in the corner. There is a lot more of the exhausted and cowering, but I am enjoying myself.
But I should start at the beginning, and to how I obtained this position.
One Friday near the end of June, I received a phone call, but I didn’t reach it in time. No voicemail was left, but I recognized the 1st three numbers as belonging either to the city or the school district.
I had only interviewed two times before this, so I was eager. Yes, it was merely June, but I foresaw my future stretching out, interviewless and forever trapped as a Assistant Teacher. Ok, so I’m dramatic, well melo dramatic. I’m a writer, so sue me.
As I was saying, I recognized the numbers, so I called back. Voice mail. It took me a little while to realize it was a school voicemail, so I hung up without leaving a message. I might mention that I was in the car at the time and had pulled over, so I wasn’t interested in lolling about.
I pulled back onto the road and it clicked: I think she said “So & So of Famous Name Here Middle School, please leave a message.
But I didn’t work at FMH Middle School, so why would someone be calling me? I pulled over again, and called back, this time leaving a message. Then Principal S. called me. She was interested in interviewing me.
To make a long story not quite as long, I spoke with Principal S 3 more times, scheduled my Content Test for a week later, and arranged an interview.
I took the test, but didn’t receive my scaled score (aka didn’t know if I’d really passed or not) for a week, however the interview went very well. And I was hired.
That was back in July. In August, I sit (run actually most days) looking at the bright faces of the student’s I’m teaching, and I still can’t believe it. I would be far more frightened if I wasn’t so tired.