Comments to my livejournal

Somebody in Uncertainty
I do not think you will have to worry about the future, as we need great folks at the school who believe in what we are doing. The path is not easy! Teachers were asked to volunteer first, then teachers were asked if they might be leaving the school (Link) (Reply)

Somebody in Journals
Hey, I just read all your entries and I have to tell you the philosophy that got me through teaching special ed, working at an alternative school and being an administrator. Being an idealist got me there every day and being realistic kept me there. (Link) (Reply)

Reflections [Feb. 28th, 2008|02:19 pm]

Sorry Data Diva, but I can't remember the exact assignment, I just know it had something to do with what we have come to discover we do well.

Right now, I feel like I yell really well. I can really work that diaphram. I also get annoyed very well. I know it's that time of year, but I don't feel like a very good teacher right now. I want to be, but I'm just so tired. . . But enough moping. I will pretend to be happy, and perhaps it will come true.

One of my co-teachers called me a digital translator after I expressed a way we could relate a concept to the kids. I started thinking about it, and that is something I do well on a daily basis. I take the boring concepts we ahve to teach, and my brain goes into overdrive to find something we can relate them to that the kids will get.
I don't know where I learned this. I know it started when I was a teacher's aide. My students cracked up when I explained Europeans displacing American Indians as "These white guys were hatin on the Indians". Murray kept chuckling and saying "She said 'hatin'".
See, you have to make it personal for these kids. Get them to see the concept as a part of their life. Josh totally didn't get why the Indians were mad they had to move to a reservation, until I asked him how he would feel if "Some guys moved in next door and told you you had to leave your house, it was theirs now". I thought he was ready to go fight his neighbors right then and there.

Since I have come to my current school, the focus of what I translate is a little different. I talk a lot more about myspace, text messages, and google, but the point is, you still have to relate it something the kids not only know, but care about.

Maybe I am a Digital Translator. I hope the ability to connect with my students doesn't disapear as I get older. Or will my digital native language skills just grow stronger with time? It should be interesting to find out.

Privilege and Power [Jan. 25th, 2008|09:22 pm]

I remember working at my old school in Content Mastery. I was envious of hte teacher's who got to know the kids well enough to have the kids open up to them. I saw them do so much good, and yet I felt like I was spinning my wheels. I didn't know what I was being envious of.
Theh first time a student entrusted me with the horrors of her life, it was all I could do to hold myself together long enough to help her.
But I did, and seeing the load lightened on her soul made it worth it.
This time, the load is not so burdensome. I am concerned, but not breaking down myself. Most of what is bothering me is wondering if I did everything I could to help her, or did the best of what I could do.
Sometimes, the weight of my student's lives threatens to crush me. It's hard to care so much. But when you see those lives get just a little bit better, the weight doesn't seem so bad. It's worth it. Helping them, is just worth it.

Spring Goals [Jan. 6th, 2008|06:37 pm]

Sit down less during class: This one is kinda of teaching 101, but I have found myself falling prey to the sit down tempation. Sitting is comfortable. I like sitting. I like being at my desk, my own little space. But that isn't good teaching. Good teaching is going around the room and helping students. By circulating, I prevent/catch discipline issues. I can answer questions more easily. Plus, it's better for me physically. So, I have to get out of my sedentary self and avoid my desk. Not like I my desk is useful with it's constant stay of messiness.
I wonder if there is a way to make the desk harder to use, so I won't be as tempted to sit?

Get the Tech Club up and Running: Specific ways to do this-blitz teh campus with adds about the meeting. Then have the students dive right into fun things, such as making videos (TAKS TIPs commercials perhaps?). Also pick several kiddos to work on website. Finally, come up with goals for next year for tech club. Oh, maybe a quick field trip?

Use my organizational tools daily: I start using a tool, and then I flit to something else. I need to use my tools consistently to get any benefit from them.

These aren't "resolutions" which are vague. These are goals to make myself a more effective teacher, with some ways to achieve my goals. Now lets just see how they turn outl.

Uncertainty [Dec. 16th, 2007|01:23 am]

I really like where I work. I like the kids. I like my co-workers. And, I trust my Admins. Why didn't I use like? Well, with your boss, it's more important whether you can trust them. I have worked with folks who are great people, but terrible bosses. So, I like the Administrators at our school.
But there is a problem. A new school is opening. I thought it would be a good thing. Take care of some of the over crowding...nope. Our school will stay about the same size. Oh and guess what? We have to give up teachers. If not enough people transfer willingly, it sounds like they plan to make us go over there.
Did I mention that I like where and who I work with?
Sure, they aren't likely to take a teacher just starting her third year. Except I am a good teacher. Oh I still have alot to learn, don't get me wrong, but I'm pretty good at this. I'm good with tech, and I do things for the school because they need to be done.
So, they may want me. And I don't want to go.
I'm not saying the staff there are bad. I don't know. I don't know anything about the head principal. He might be great. But it's the chance he might not be great, when I have a great principal already, that worries me.
But what if they leave me and take my department head? She rocks! The school wouldn't be the same if she left.
I get it. They don't want to hire all new staff. That's not a good way to start a school. But stripping other schools of their staff isn't fair either.
I don't like change. I'm happy where I work, and who I work with. Can't they just take the volunteers, and hire the rest?

Makes Me Sick [Nov. 18th, 2007|04:52 pm]

I am working on a unit for my 7th graders research and source reliability. As you can imagine, 12 and 13 year olds aren't always very savvy in regards to what is true on the internet and what isn't. As part of this unit, I am going to show my class screen-shots from a Martin Luther King Jr. Website that on the surface appears very benign. In reality, it is anything but. The site is hosted by a white supremacist group. (I am not mentioning the groups name, or website address, simply because I will not publicize, route, or in any other way support these people. If you are an educator, and you would like more information on this site to use in a way similar to how I am using it, contact me via the comments section of my journal.)
As I was saying, I am taking screen-shots of this site, and it is all I can do to not vomit. The hatred and ignorance here are intolerable. And the subterfuge used by this hate organization, to make people think they are just another informational site, is disgusting.
The only thing that kept me from closing my browser, is I know that pictures of this site will get through to my students that not everything on the internet is true. I don't know that anything else will have this powerful of an effect. I will need to warn my administrators, and I wonder if I should send a letter home?
7th grade is a difficult age. Still children, becoming adults. How much do we let them experience, how little do we protect?
I may have to wait a while to use the horrible pictures I have taken. I don't know that I can stomach them right now.

Professionalism [Nov. 14th, 2007|02:13 pm]

I am so angry. And I don't know if I have a right to be. Am I letting something get to me that shouldn't, or is my anger justified?
Earlier today, I went to our LA planning meeting. I have been working my tail off to create a great unit for our research. I have sought feedback from multiple sources, including the LA department head. So far, everything has been constructive "Great ideas, add this to be more effective", "How will this work? What are you going to do to implement this?" So I was excited about presenting this before our team. All the signals I was getting were, this is great, roll with it.
I knew something was wrong as I started discussing it. Half the room was just silent, staring. When they did finally speak, it wasn't to tell me that they wanted to do a different part of research, it was to tell me what all was wrong. We don't want to start that now, well we are going to have to research twice then with the persuausion paper, how are we going to finish this paper for so and so. Nothing positive. Nothing making suggestions. Just telling us all how bad it was. How it wouldn't work for her class.
What is the point of planning with LA if they are going to act so disdainful of my help? Im trying not to take it personally. I could have taken positive changes, or even "That won't work for us, we are doing something different", but just saying "That's bad," and "Here's all the problems with your ideas" left me so discouraged.
So what do I do now? I don't want to come back on Friday. I can't even look at that teacher, I'm so angry. It isn't personal, but it is. Would I feel this way if I hadn't sought feedback from our Department head? Does that give me perceived legitimacy? Do I deserve that legitimacy? Why can't she see that this is a lesson plan the kids will get into, and start thinking of ways to make it work, instead of just saying all that is wrong? How do I keep from being un-proffesional now?

[Oct. 31st, 2007|08:09 am]

They say what does not kill us makes us stronger. You can call me Hercules.
My second year of teaching has brought with it so many new challenges, both in school and at home.
This has left me feeling so overwhelmed.
J is back at school, and that is proving extra challenging. He is doing great, but he wants a 4.0 so can get off scholastic probation this semester. Once he's off Sco-Pro, then he can get his school ring. Not to mention that getting a 4.0 would tell him, and everyone else, "Yes, I can do this." And J needs that right now.
Then our little ferret Cream started acting real funny last night. He was breathing real funny, Every so often he would start gasping. And he was so listless. Poor little guy. Turns out there is something in him that isn't supposed to be there, either tumor or obstruction. So, he will get surgery today. $1000 bucks right there gone. But, he's worth it. He's my little guy. When I was holding him on the way to the vet, he layed there so quiet, so sweet.
So, that's a portion of the personal stuff. As far as teaching, check the post before this one. The good news is that little girl seemed calmer the next day, not as confrontational. I helped her. That is helping me deal with the emotions of wanting to protect her, and not being able to.
So, Once more into the breach!

26 Weeks [Oct. 29th, 2007|03:31 pm]

26 Weeks since the last time I posted. 26 Weeks. 6.5 months. Take out 2.5 months for summer, and that's 3 months of teaching time. Since that last post, I have aquired my full certification. I was invited to and attended a Technology conference. I have taken over our school's webpage, am pushing for our Tech club to get going, and have learned about making movies.
I no longer teach resource, or Social Studies. Instead, I spend all day co-teaching Language Arts.
Did I mention how very exhausted I am?
This year has been tough. Yes, my first year is over. Sure, I'm doing well, and am valued by my administrators. However, that carries added responsibility. No more newbie mistakes, or at least not very many. I feel the weight of my new responsibilities, and my own expectations, so heavily.
You k now, I remember a time when I wanted to have the relationship with the kids so they would trust me, and confide in me. Working in the positions I had previously, where I was so scattered, I didn't have time to build those relationships. Now I do. I have. And I almost wish I didn't know.
Kids are funny. You think they hate you, and then suddenly you sit down for a minute, and the flood gates open. Both times this has happened to me (yup only two so far) I have just sat there and listened. I'm honored that they trust me, but my heart breaks for them.
I act sympathetic, but normal. Freaking out doesn't help, I know that from personal experience. When your hurting so badly, you want to know your ok, that you're not a freak. The hardest part is knowing I can't fix this for them. I can't make it better. I want to just hug them till it all goes away, and I can't.
Responsibility. I must help these kids, but how can I? Just taking them to the counselor doesn't seem enough. I k now it is often all I can do, but I want to do more. I know all I can do is listen, care for them, and get them the help they need. I just wish I could do more. I feel compelled to fix things. And there is no easy fix.
One little girl, just poured out so much to me. So many horrible things that had happened to her, and how she had dealt with them, or hadn't dealt with them. No one to help her. I hope we can get her help.
So, blessings, with tears. I have their trust, but I didn't know how much of a burden that would be.

[Apr. 28th, 2007|10:52 pm]

TAKS is over, we are counting down the days till school is out, and the kids are freaking crazy. I have signed my contract for next year, aced my PPR test (necessary to be fully certified), and am becoming recognized for my fearless technology. Not necessarily talented, but fearless.
Currently, I am again playing Myspace detective, and am in a very frustrated/satisfied place. Here's the thing. I don't want my students to be stupid about myspace. I want them to mark their profiles private, and make them hard to find. But finding different students on myspace was such a rush. It was the thrill of outsmarting 11-14yr olds.
Yes, I know I'm soooo mature, but after dealing with Mr. "Don't give me attitude", Sir "Poster child for ADHD" and finally Ms. "I talk this way to my mom, you can't tell me not to", it is nice to have the upper hand. (I will eventually come up with shorter nicknames so I can share the horror stories of these children).
So, our school goes through a program Netsmartz.org, and it was very useful. I can't find even half as many of our stinking kids! The ones I do find are being smarter! I am so happy this is the case but dangit, now I'm bored.
Thing is, I know Mr. Attitude is has a new page ( I managed to get his 3 pages deleted..hehehe), but I can't find it! What sort of myspace detective am I if I can't even find one measly middle schooler.
Hurray and Phooy

[Mar. 24th, 2007|11:06 pm]

I feel a little sick.
I know my kids have pages on myspace. So I decided to try to find one.
It was far to easy.
I entered one of my students name. Then I limited my search to within 5 miles of the school's zipcode. Bam, number 3 on my list is a picture of student #1. I go to his profile. He's lied about his age, given a bit too much personal information, nothing to terrible at a quick glance. Then I look at his comments and friends list. Bam, several other of my students there. One has her full name as her username. Another, when I go to her page has a picture with her full name visible. Also, she mentions where she goes to school,and lists her town.
I've got a long night ahead of me, and possibly several parent phone calls.
Oi.

Spring Break [Mar. 9th, 2007|08:03 am]

Woot! I just gotta get through 8 hours.
Yesterday, I downloaded a trial version of Macromedia Flash. You know, I tend to be one of the more expertish at technology teachers in my school. I realize that I am at best an advanced amateur, but I feel pretty advanced in my environment. Then I decide it's time to get out of my box, so I look at more advanced programs. This time around, I stuck my head out, looked at flash, and ran screaming back inside. I have definitly been reminded that I am a little fish in a big ocean.

Silly dreams [Feb. 18th, 2007|09:32 pm]

I'm an interesting study. I enjoy compliments immensely, but at the same time, I have no idea how to handle htem. So I end up avoiding them too. how is it possible to be attention hungry as well as shy?
So I kinda laugh at myself when I think about my most recent dream. Teacher of the Year. If it actually happened, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I am not even sure I'll be eligble this year. You have to at least work for the district for 3 years, but do you have to be a teacher for 3 years. I have the former (this year) but not the latter.
On an entirely different note, this is both the longest I've held any job (even including seasonal work) and more than triple the length of any post college job. Go job longetivity!

Worst class [Feb. 13th, 2007|01:32 pm]

I have never wanted to cry as much as I have today. Frustration does that to me. H is being obstinate, 4/5 is hell, as usual, and I am wondering, what part do I play in this classes issues?
Is it fair for me to lay all the blame at W's feet? Is it worse because I am also in some sort of unhealthy dynamic with these kids? Is this class salvageble?
I odn't know. I have lost all perspective on this class. I don't know what I should do, what I shouldn't, who is good and who is bad. I know I hate it here. I don't even want to see these kids. I want to just bail every day. And you know what? They do better when I'm not here. Am I hte problem? Or am I like the parent who has to do the discipline, while the other just buys ice cream?
Whatever the case, I don't have anything left. I just don't have anything left.

[Feb. 12th, 2007|08:14 pm]

Some days, I feel completely overwhelmed. Often this happens when I'm exploring the internet, looking for resources for my classes. The amount of information is overwhelming. At the same time, what I need to teach these kids is overwhelming. Perhaps I need to find a new word, as overwhelmed is getting used alot in this post already.
So I'm sitting in a restaraunt right now, wondering, how the hell can I best make use of this stuff? What is the best way to teach these kids? Where do I start? What do I include? How can I motivate them to try? What if the lesson flops, or the website stops working?
I've made choices too based on this overwhelmed feeling. Scary choices.
You see, I love my resource class. I love making these lessons, finding things to interest my kids, breaking away from the mainstream.
But it is so much work. And my options for next year are Co-Teach or all Resource. I can't face the idea of that many lesson plans, that much exhaustive planning. I don't think I could do it. Not the way I would want to.
But can I give it up? Can I really just be a glorified Aide? That is what Co-teach is this year. Perhaps it will be better next year, but it is hard to tell.

Oh boy [Feb. 7th, 2007|06:18 pm]

Well, I have volunteered for yet more work. I don't want to. I really don't. But the kids need the help. They want to learn.
Soooo, on Monday & Wednesdays, I will be offering tutoring in basic math skills to students I have in class.
I know, I'm a Language Arts teacher. What on earth am I doing?
I have said since I came into education, quit griping about what the kids should know and just teach them.
Well, I need to quit thinking about what I teach during the day, and just teach the kids. They want to know how to multiply and divide. Even if they know the right processes on the higher level math, if they get stuck at 7 x 9, they are still stuck.
I can't fix the school. I can't raise all the math scores. but maybe I can teach 6-10 kids how to do basic math. Maybe I can be key in their being successful. That's my hope.

Tired [Feb. 6th, 2007|09:08 am]

We just got the scores back from our latest checkpoints. They were worse than this time last year.
Now I know all the things that affect this. I know kids don't take checkpoints that seriously. I know the change in procedures was hard on them. But still. We have all been working so hard. For what? We just can't teach these kids math.
but, perhaps we will do what finally needs to be done. Go back and teach them what the elementary schools never did. How to multiply and divide.
Knowing the steps does not help, if you can't multiply. Now, I am trying to figure out what I can do. I'm language arts. But I have to help some how. If for no other reason than our kids need these skills.

Yay Inclusion [Jan. 30th, 2007|02:44 pm]

Two of my boys in my resource class took and on-level checkpoint last week and over half of their problems were correct. I love it when we can get these kids in the regular classroom. They are both so pumped!

rookieteacher - Tech Geek [Jan. 30th, 2007|02:36 pm]

Technology is one area I feel I can really shine in. When my class is wild, I can take solace in the fact that my Inspirations are great. When my lesson falls flat, I will work on my web page later that day. I get such a thrill when I can help other teachers with the technology, opening up new worlds to them. In some ways, it is more exciting than teaching the kids. The kids pick up Tech pretty quick. They inherently accept it's value. Teachers however, many of whom only recently began to use computers, need that value proven again and again. It is wonderful when I'm able to do that.

rookieteacher - 6th period [Jan. 30th, 2007|02:35 pm]

I am exhausted. Some days, I come to 6th period, and I'm ok. My block class wasn't too bad. Other days, I come, and I wonder how I can make it for the rest of the year. We have so many challenging kids, and my co-teacher is not equipped to deal with today's "challenging" students. Could I do better, were I the teacher? I don't know. All I know is my hands are currently tied.
There have been improvements. She is trying new strategies. But her lessons are so boring! No wonder the kids act up. Nothing she does is interesting, even to me. Yet she thinks these print outs she's making the kids read are just great. It's hard to be in this situation. She's a nice lady, but she seems so disconnected from today's kids. I feel like I should fix the problem, but how can I? She contradicts me often enough.
Just a few more months. That's all I have to do, is make it a few more months.

rookieteacher - Digital-Immigrant, Native, and Inbetween [Jan. 13th, 2007|11:13 pm]

At my school, we are part of a grant that provides laptops. Talk about being immersed in technology. After 4 months of this, I have become very thoughtful on how much technology has changed in my lifetime. But first, some vocabulary.

Digital Immigrant: Most people 30 & above. Imigrants weren't born into a world of technology and computers. Like the names suggests, Immigrants are trying to adapt to a foreign culture.

Digital Natives: These kids have been inundated with technology their whole lives, and using it as natural as breathing. To Natives, email is for old people, they text and chat.

Native 1.0: Not an official term, but I am using it to describe those of us who were born near or just after computers first became useful to the common man. N 1.0's demonstrate most attributes of Natives, but will have some attributes of Immigrants as well. I place myself in this category

After quizing my parents, I learned that our first computer was an Atari 400, purchased in 1981. I was 2.
Memory ranging from 8-to a whopping 48K, this bad boy came with one cartridge slot, and two internal expansion slot. All for a measly 600 dollars.

I laugh looking back. How could we have ever used such a dinky machine? But at the time, computers in the home were pretty rare. The year I was born(1979), personal computers in homes reached a whopping half a million. By 2002, over 1 billion PC's had been shipped nationwide (Computer Hope).
I guess you could say, my parents were some of the original PC immigrants. I've spent 27 years watching computers rapidly change, when I was younger mostly from watching my dad.

Still, it is amazing to me to look at todays kids. They can't imagine a time without technology, whereas I can remember a time when technology was rare. My parents remember punch cards, I remember cartridges. What will 12 year olds today recall? The outdated PS2? When IPods were first introduced? Perhaps when the purchased/were given their first 1 Gb thumdrive.

Popsicle Sticks and Timers [Jan. 11th, 2007|03:27 pm]

I finally got things together enough to do a couple of tricks I have been told are great for classroom managment. 1) I brought my dang kitchen timer. That was a lifesaver. It kept me on task, and put a concrete end different parts of the class. The kids didn't dally as much because they were watching that timer. And, when they didn't finish because they were goofing off, too bad so sad, it's homework. 2)I used the popsicle sticks. You wouldn't think it would be necessary to have a random way to call on kids with only 8 students but it really is. Sure they griped about it when I would draw their name, but it held them accountable. It didn't work too well on the questions, but it was the first time I've used it. On the reading however, it was awesome. I would have the last kid who read pull the stick for the next kid. If they refused to read, -10 points on participation, and I moved on. I only had one student refuse. I have never had a class run that smoothly. Minimal disruptions, great productivity, it rocked!

Christmas is Over (1/4/07)

Yup, Christmas, and Christmas break, are over. It has been very difficult to come back to work. Yesterday was ok, as the teachers were tired and the students were tired. I struggled through another disjointed lesson. This time I was trying to introduce this units academic vocabulary. In some ways it went well. The word documents I created to give instructions included pictures. The kids were mostly able to follow it. But too many computers were not working. Add to that, all they had to do was cut and paste once they found the definition. Did they learn? How can I further integrate these words? I often feel that I am just throwing information at these kids hopeing they manage to catch some of it.
Today I realized that my lesson had changed, while my written objective had not. Ooops. I tried to integrate the old objective and add the new, but it felt akward.
And now, my co-teacher is falling back into old habits. As am I.
Perhaps I now know enough to realize I don't know anything about teaching.

Dec 6, 2006 (original publish date)

Finding books my kids can both read and are interested in is a constant struggle. So I was incredibly excited when one of our local librarians put several aside for me that are low level/high interest for minority students. 20 books for me to look through. Now the question is, how can I get my hands on more than just one?
Here is the list that I have so far.

145th Street Short Stories
By Walter Myers
Reading Level:5.1
(I love this one. The kids can read it in little bits, it is relevant to their lives, and it is in language they understand)

Slam
By Walter Myers
Reading Level: 4.5
(I'm pretty sure this was recommended by Mrs. G who taught the Freedom Writers)

Several Hip Hop Biographies that are perfect for individual book reports. I'll post a complete list later. Now to just finagle a way to get some for my class.

Oct 23rd, 2006 (Original Publish Date)

I am so very tired right now. I have avoided posting, because I wanted a positive post. But when I've had positive moments, I haven't thought about writing. So, either lots of negative posts, or no posts at all. So I'm going to talk about successes first
Juvie is behaving himself. He ahs been very quiet the past few days, and working very hard.
Crazy 4 has regained some sanity. Taht class isn't torture right now.

Right now I'm exhausted, and doubting my lessons. Am I teaching? Are they learning?

That's what gets to me.

On Monday I passed out these cute journals I found at the dollar store. I was so excited to be able to give my kiddos REAL journals, not just spiral notebooks. They were excited too.
I told them we'd be journaling everyday for the next two weeks while we studied Anne Frank. Then I showed them my 4 journals. I read an entry from 1995, when I was sixteen, that I wrote on the day of the Oklahoma City bombing. I explained what had happened, who had perpetrated the event, how many had died. By the time I was done, my boys were talking about going to "Jump" Timothy McVey. Believe it or not, that comment is kinda sweet. That's how my kids show their disgust with his behavior.
So we have been journaling for two days. I read the first days entries, and nearly cried. This was the best writing I had seen my kids do. They wanted to write! My little girl keeps asking to take hers home.
If we learn nothing else from this unit on Anne Frank, at least they will have learned to love journaling.

Comment from someone on my old livejournal:

Hey, I just read all your entries and I have to tell you the philosophy that got me through teaching special ed, working at an alternative school and being an administrator. Being an idealist got me there every day and being realistic kept me there. I know you're an idealist with that sociology degree and you prove it with the words about your students and their lives. The danger? Becoming cynical. Scratch any old cynic and the idealist is just under the surface. Being real about it all keeps that from happening. It is enough to be there for your students every day, and they can count on the "climate" being the same every day wherever you are. They don't have to worry about Teacher's moods or whether she's happy or sad, because with Teacher, the weather is always the same. Get it? Now smile and pat yourself on the back.

SMW

Anger Ahead

That's how I feel. Like I'm not worth the admins time.
I really don't think they value us.

Oops, we don't have enough subs, lets get the sped people first. They don't need conference times.
Forget that we have 3 times the paperwork.
We made a mistake, and we need SAC covered by sped,
Nope, no worries, their kids don't need consistency.
But hey, I get stuck with a well meaning but horrible co-teacher
Too bad, we can't make any changes, even though it you only have 4 kids in your class who would be moved.
Now they are bringing in a new math teacher, and they are taking away our resource room.
Sure, I know they need the room. But they do all these changes, stress us out, makes us relearn our job each week, and they wonder when we screw up?
But hey, we're just Sped. It's not like we matter.

(Edit: 3 years later, my opinion has changed for most of our administrators. And I think their opinions of us have changed as well. I trust my principle to do the best thing for the kids, and for the staff. Though I don't envy her that job, as it is a tough one.)

An Interesting Week

This past week was full of downs and ups. Yes, I recognize the phrase is "ups and downs", but the timeing was off for me. I started off the week with alot of drama happening. I ended it with some great experiences. Here's the play by play:

Monday: I had a sweet kiddo I had to restrain to keep him from hurting himself. It felt like I was holding him forever. When it was finally over and someone who has much more experience came to take over, I was just kinda limp. The class it happened in isn't easy for me anyway, so I made an excuse and took a few minutes to just sorta sit (It's two teachers in the room, so it was easier to do) and process. That night I struggled with guilt, feeling like I should have been more attentive to him, known that he was about to blow. I know that there is nothing I could have done, but right after something like that, it's hard to recognize.

Tuesday:The highlight of this day was going to our Special Ed meeting. I got to see several old friends from the school I used to work at. That was very nice. I also found out how things had played out with my kiddo from Monday. I'm still concerned, but not as much as I was before. I think I have an idea of how to help him now.

Wednesday: This was very long day. I was up early to bring up my ferret cage. I had a mentoring meeting after school, and immeadetly after that I had a faculty meeting. My husband picked me up. We ate dinner and went to our homegroup (a church thing). I was home after 10.
Oh, and it was a pullout day for Language Arts, so I was with my tough class without their regular teacher.

Thursday: I was yawning the whole time, but it was kinda funny. The class I'm the teacher for was supposed to have a guest speaker that day, but he was running late. So, I told them they could read for that period, either a book or something educational. Oh, there was much griping!
This class is boring! I don't want to be in here anymore! Silly me, I forgot they could have worked on their Power Points!

Friday: This was the good day. I brought my ferret up to finish off our Rikki Tikki Tavi lesson. I also had my program evaluator there for my first evaluation. My LA class was sooo excited about seeing Java, though only one student would touch him. When I presented later that day to a friends class, they were equally interested, and much more bold. Java was exhausted,but he enjoyed himself. I was able to end the week on a positive note, which I truly needed. As my evaluator told me, these kids will never forget Rikki Tikki Tavi now.

Dark Reality

They hardest challenge I have faced as an educator is inability to fix my student's problems. I want to hug them and make all the hurt go away. But it doesn't work like that. Their reality is theirs, not mine. All I can do is help them deal with it, and pray for them.
What has brought on this melancholy? I was reminded recently of the rough places some of my students come from. With the problems these kids have, it is amazing they are able to function, much less learn. Everything from parent's being in jail to being abused are burden's these children have to bear. Some wear ankle monitoring devices. Many have parole officers. All of them, or at least it seems that way to me, are hurting.
I can't hug the pain away. All I can do is let them know I care, by providing the consitency and stability so many are lacking. Along with true interest in their lives. In some situations, I will file a report with the Department of Family Services. In others, I may have to call the police.
Mostly, I can only be there, to help give them the tools they need to deal with their reality.
Some days, I really wish my chalk were a magic wand.

3 weeks in and what do you get?

Sore feet. Perspective. Exhaustion. All of these things have accompanied my 1st 3 weeks of teaching.
Would I make the decision to teach again?
You betcha.
I love this. Even when my kids don't get what I'm trying to tell them.
I am so much more fullfilled here than I ever was as an assistant.

That being said, I am facince numerous challenges.
Lesson planning is eating my lunch. Teaching resource, there is just no standardization. My kids are around a 5th and 6th grade level. We are in Middle School. No one here has a 5th grade book. I'm not real sure of the standards for 5th grade.
And I have so many doubts.
Am I reaching them?
Are my lessons effective?
What about discipline? Am I doing ok on that?
Am I too nice? Am I too mean?
Should I assign homework?
What's the difference between easy and challenging?
How do you get there without the kids giving up?

I'm sure this is normal. I know the 1st year teaching is tough. Yet I can't quite escape the visions of getting fired, and then trying to pick up the peices. Can I make the grade? Can I help my kids learn?
This is what I don't know.

August 24th, 2006

I started off this day in the most illustrious way: by getting a ticket in a freaking school zone!
I took a different route to work, and I noticed the crossing guard. I even thought to myself “I need to remember that this is a school zone.”
I don’t know if I forgot immeadetly, or if I thought I was back at my other school, where the limit was 35. It wasn’t 35. It was 20. I was pulled over by one of the city’s finest, who was very polite and professional, but still gave me a ticket.
And one more fun fact, I have a CDL, which means I can’t take defensive driving.
Yup, it was a great start.
However, I decided to use this as an object lesson for my Resource class. I was reteaching classroom procedures anyway, and I thought this would be a good way to talk about consequences. Especially about sometimes consequences happen when you weren’t trying to be bad.
Amidst the responses of
“I woulda told that cop what to do with it”
and
“ I woulda run him over”
I think I made the kiddos think. It was a great opportunity to talk about accepting responsibility. I know they were probably frustrated with my lecture, but they were quieter (heavy on the “er”) when I told them that when you screw up, it’s better to admit it and take your consequences, that you will be more respected that way.
One thing is for sure, they don’t know what to make of me. And I think that ‘s a good thing. If they are trying to figure me out, they haven’t written me off. And I can work with that.

Rookie Teacher Archive 1

8/23/2006
A Middle School
Somewhere in Central Texas

School started a little over a week ago, and I am alternately exhausted, energized, overjoyed, and cowering in the corner. There is a lot more of the exhausted and cowering, but I am enjoying myself.
But I should start at the beginning, and to how I obtained this position.
One Friday near the end of June, I received a phone call, but I didn’t reach it in time. No voicemail was left, but I recognized the 1st three numbers as belonging either to the city or the school district.
I had only interviewed two times before this, so I was eager. Yes, it was merely June, but I foresaw my future stretching out, interviewless and forever trapped as a Assistant Teacher. Ok, so I’m dramatic, well melo dramatic. I’m a writer, so sue me.
As I was saying, I recognized the numbers, so I called back. Voice mail. It took me a little while to realize it was a school voicemail, so I hung up without leaving a message. I might mention that I was in the car at the time and had pulled over, so I wasn’t interested in lolling about.
I pulled back onto the road and it clicked: I think she said “So & So of Famous Name Here Middle School, please leave a message.
But I didn’t work at FMH Middle School, so why would someone be calling me? I pulled over again, and called back, this time leaving a message. Then Principal S. called me. She was interested in interviewing me.
To make a long story not quite as long, I spoke with Principal S 3 more times, scheduled my Content Test for a week later, and arranged an interview.
I took the test, but didn’t receive my scaled score (aka didn’t know if I’d really passed or not) for a week, however the interview went very well. And I was hired.
That was back in July. In August, I sit (run actually most days) looking at the bright faces of the student’s I’m teaching, and I still can’t believe it. I would be far more frightened if I wasn’t so tired.

Consolidation

Well, I have finally decided. I will no longer post updates to this blog. Instead I will consolidate it with my Buttonhole Blog;. Topics will be varied, I can promise you that much.

Possibilities

I'm thinking of combining this blog with my other blog. These days, it's all I can do to update buttonhole, and I just don't know if I have enough to write about on here. But I haven't made my mind up yet, so we'll see. I'll post an announcment if I make that choice.

Threats

I was standing out in the hall today when I saw a student walking away from a teacher who was calling him, Mrs. C. Now we had recently instated a new disciplinary policy, and we need to make sure we are consistent with the kiddos, so I and another teacher step in and direct him back towards her. He gets over there, and the confrontation starts. This kid is a very tall black kid, with a mean attitude. I use those descriptors because I still don't know his name.
Mrs. C starts talking to him, and apparently he decided calling her a "N----r" was a good idea. It was really humorous after the fact to see an African American male calling a white teacher that word.
Mrs. C had the most shocked look on her face I have ever seen. But she recovered quickly and told hte kid he was getting a citation. At our school, if you cuss at a teacher, you get a ticket, go to court pay a fine, and do community service.
Well this boy was none to happy about her comment. He gets all close to her, and starts shouting:
"Whatd I say? Huh what'd I say? How are you going to write me a citation if you can't tell me what I said?"
At this point I told Mrs. C to go call an administrator and I tell the kid to go to class. His response:
"I'm staying right here till she tells me what I said!"
He then follows Mrs. C into the classroom, and I follow him. Now, so long as we don't say anything to him, he keeps quiet, but I spoke to him and he started shouting again.
During this whole time his body language was very aggressive. Coming in real close, bow-ing his shoulders.
Finally, he takes off running as 6 administrators converge on our hall. And none of us knew his name. I ran after him to keep up with him, and fortunately Mr. S, a large male VP, had stopped him.
Mrs. C later said she had never been so scared in her life.
Later, when I wrote up my account of hwat happened, I walked into the 7th grade office to turn it in, and the kid was there. He starts shouting, "She's exaggerating, that lady is exaggerating!"
After I left, he apprently tore my statement in half.
But he is getting a citation, after getting in our School Officer's face, and he is going to S.O.S, a special placement school.
Thank goodness.

Hello, Goodbye

No, I'm not stopping blogging. It is just those two words have been very poignant for me this week. 1 of my students I was really close to and had seen alot of improvment in moved. I'll miss her.
Another student I have been clashing heads with, but trying to developed a relationship with at the same time, said hello to me today. For him, to say something to me without me saying it first, is a major breakthrough.

One workday

That's all we had before the kids come back. I was actually glad to be back. It's been hard being at home. And I miss the kids. I need the distraction.
For anyone who reads only this blog, check out my other, the Button Hole Project. I am going to explain more on that blog what is going on in my personal life.
So, tomorrow, after I get back from the doctor, I get to re-enter the school world. Probably spend most of the day in the hall and doing some data crunching, but hey, the kids will be there. I actually miss them. I know I've said that a few times, but I just can't believe it.

Monday

Well, I go back on Monday, so expect more timely updates then.
On one note, I did see one of the toughest girls in our school at Walmart, and she hugged me. Apparently, telling her she was a good singer really made a connection. Go figure.

School's out

Well, we are on Christmas break. The last day was insane, I prevented one fight, gave a garbled description of it to our principal, kept kids from killing each other, and loaded up on sugary treats. One little girl chastised me for being 25 and not having kids. She said I needed to get going. Thus far I have been playing video games, sewing,and doing little productive. I'll try to update occasionally in the next 2 weeks, but it will be slower than normal. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Day before Christmas for Teachers

TWAS THE DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS (teacher style)

'Twas the days before Christmas,
And all through the school,
The teachers were trying
To just keep their cool.

The hallways were hung
With Christmas art
(Some made in November
to get a head start!)

The children were bouncing
Off ceilings and walls,
And seemed to forget
How to walk in the halls.

When out of the teacher's lounge
With "holiday shirts"
And "jingle bell jewels,"
The teachers looked festive
Enforcing the rules.

There came such a chatter,
The principal went in
To see what was the matter.

The teachers were hiding
And trying to refuel,
On coffee and cookies
And treats from the Yule.

When what to their wondering
Ears do they hear,
But the ringing of school bells
-It's the children they fear!

More rapid than reindeer
The little ones came,
And the teachers all shouted
And called them by name;

Walk, Vincent! Walk, Tanner!
Walk, Tyler and Sammy!
Sit, Jamie! Sit, Laura!
Sit, Tara and Tammy!

To your desks in the room!
To your spots in the line!
Now walk to them! Walk to them!
No running this time!

So straight to their places
The children all went.
With fear of detention
Where they could be sent.

With manuals of lessons
Cradled in arms,
The teachers began
To use all their charms.

But the lessons presented
All fell on deaf ears.
The children were thinking
Of Santa's reindeer!

With a toss of their hands
They put manuals aside,
Went straight to the cupboards
Where videos hide.

And laying their finger
On the TV remote
They sat back to write
Their last Christmas note.

But you could hear them exclaim
At the end of the day -
Have a wonderful, happy
and L-O-O-O-O-O-NG HOLIDAY!!!

Author Unknown
Merry Christmas!

Seeing Red

One of my kiddos came storming down the hall the other day, and I was shocked. He didn't have any whites left to his eyes. They were all red. His hands were clenching and unclenching and every few feet he would hit a locker. He went to the end of the hall right as the bell rang. I saw some kids trying to pull him away from the door but he just kept going back. Fortunately the Art teacher had locked the door. This kiddo would pull on the door, storm around, hit a locker and pull on the door again. I tried going and speaking to him. He stopped for a little bit, but I couldn't get through the haze he was in.
Finally, the 7th grade counslor came. It took a few attempts, and 4 teachers walking behind them, but she got the boy to go with her. Next period, he was back to normal.

I don't know where to start

So much has happened the past couple of days, and I haven't had time to blog it. So, if I seem a little random, or get my facts messed up, forgive me. My brain is fried.

Teachers who Can't

But still do are frustrating. We have one here,Ms.Apathetic, who just shouldn't teach. Everything is too much of a bother for her. She can't work with the kids individually (your a sped teacher, that's part of the job description), she doesn't have time to fill out paperwork or test them, and heaven forbid she stay after the bell to work on stuff for the next day!
In someways I can see where she is coming from. She's in a job she's not meant for, and that makes it hard to do Anything! But, it's the kids who suffer. Her kids hate going to her class, and I don't blame them. She's mean and they learn nothing. So she is taking a year of their education from them, when they are already behind.

One Concert, One student, One hour

That's what last night involved. One of my little girls is in choir, and I knew this concert was important to her. So I dragged my husband and we went. The whole way up there I was wishing I didn't have to go, that I had never promised it. When I got there I listened to young immature voices sing christmas songs, and tried not to wince. But then Lisa's group was on stage. Lisa is the only little girl I came there for. She was so nervous, I thought she might faint.
After the concert, I went and found her and told her "You did great Lisa!"
Her face lit up and she hugged me, saying "Thank's Ms. ______". Suddenly, I was glad I came. Lisa knew I took time to come to her concert, and that I was proud of her. It made the loss of an hour more than worth it.

Leaders at the Crossroads

We have several student's right now who are natural leaders. The other student's look up to them and try to imitate their every move. Unfortunately, these leaders are usually our worst discipline problems. Here's an example of what I'm talking about.
Brad is a 7th grader who is very outgoing. He hugs teachers, is very friendly, and he has chosen to display very gay mannerisms. While this bothers some of his male peers, the girls love him. The teacher's would love him to, if we could get him to not be so "outgoing" in the middle of class. If he has a thought, he says it, at his loudest voice. His little followers often follow suit in an attempt to gain his approval.
Now, if we could just harness Brad's abilities, he could be a wonderful influence on the other students. But how do we do it? How do we convince this 7th grader, who thinks adult's don't know Jack, to make good choices?
That's what I have to figure out.

PTSD

One of my kiddos, I'll call him Nick, has been having some problems of late. He is constantly disrupting classes, trying to be funny, talking to other students, etc. He was recently put into SAC (In School Suspension) for sexually harrassing 3 girls. Did I mention this is one of my favorite kids? I know I'm screwy for caring bout the screwed up ones, but I see so much potential in Nick.
Recently I found out Nick was in a car accident a year ago so bad his mom lost his memory for a week. Now, every time Nick goes near that road in a car, he starts pressing his right foot down against the car floor. Also, his IQ has dropped 10 to 20 points since that accident. Something is going on. Looking back, I think he might be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. All of his acting out seems to be for constant stimulation, so he won't have to feel. He's at the mercy of emotions he doesn't understand, and I don't know how to help him. I feel for him even more, as I went through my own bout with PTSD.
At this point, all I can do is email the shrink who is evaluating him. Perhaps it will help.

You are not helping!

One thing I truly hate about being just a teachers assistant is person I work under. I have had to work so hard to develop a relationship with these kids, and that is not an easy task. My little darlins don't trust authority figures of any kind. Their parent's don't exactly provide good role model's in this regard. Mom often has lot's of kids, each with a different daddy. Those daddies often don't spend much time with said children. Many are in jail. The parent's will be in conflict with everyone, from their best friends to the police. And their offsprings education is not seen as a priority. And somehow, I have to earn these kid's trust.
So I've worked hard. I ask the kids about their lives. I praise them for small small things. I tell them I believe in them. When they are upset, I reason with them, give them the chance to cool down, make comprimises. And it works! So I don't get the last word, they are LEARNING! And learning to trust.
Then enter Ms. "BluntNoTactBuryTheHorse6FeetUnder" (We'll call her Blunt for short). I will have just calmed average disgruntled student "Bob" down after he has refused to do his test. He is now actually answering questions. Everything is cool, no need for further intervention. But Ms. Blunt says...
"You can't come here and not do work. I won't put up with it. You need to get to work or I'll call your mom. This isn't social hour...." etc etc. Did I mention she repeats herself?
Anyway, by now Bob is pissed off again, and who can blame him. Why should he work when he is still getting in trouble? In fact, the only way for Bob to win is to invent a time machine and go back to before he threw his fit and keep himself from throwing it. Not a likely scenario, especially since Bob can only read on a 3rd grade level.
So what can I do? I talk to someone above her, my life with her is hell. I don't, the kids get screwed over. It's just one of the many catch 22's we face everyday in this school.

Quote of the Day

"That dance aint Crunk! The party I'm going too, it's Crunk!"

Said by a 6th grader.

My Momma said

Our kids are so creative at avoiding work. Some of them will tap repeatedly. Others will try to goad you into sending them outside. Some will just talk. But Brad, Brad has a very unique approach. At the start of the year, he would complain to me about Ms. W. How much he hated her, how mean she was. I finally got him to stop that. Then he just kinda stared off into space. We worked through that. Now his favorite thing to do is say "My momma". "My momma had me do it this way." or "My momma tells me to do the math this way." Now you'd think this wouldn't really cut down on his instructional time, but when he stops principals in the hallway to say it, and tells it to his regular ed teacher, and then tells it to me, well it adds up. But Brad, he over did it. Today Ms. W gave him a lecture: "We don't care what your momma tells you. She needs to tell us. She has our number." But Brad didn't seem effected. So Ms. W called "Momma". Surprise surprise, she wasn't upset with how we were teaching him at all.
I wonder what Brad's next trick will be.

Did he really just do that?

Yup. One of our 8th graders stood ten feet from me, puckered up, and spit all over the hall, and another student. Did he not see me standing there? Did he truly think I'd just let that go? I can not imagine being as clueless as these kids sometimes are, and I'm pretty clueless.

Oh the drama!

"If she takes my man, I'm gonna beat her up."
"You watch your back!"
"Then he said....Then she said..."
The following are actual sentences heard in the 7th grade hall yesterday and today. Now, scream these as fast as you can at the top of your voice with 30 other kids talking loudly at the same time and you'll know what it was like.
There is going to be a fight today. The question now is when and where. And if adults will be involved. Some parent's of the kid's involved showed up, and were going around asking for another one of the kids. That's all we need now is the parent's getting into a cat fight.
It amazes me how much these girl's fight over someone taking "their man". They don't seem to get that the man and the friend aren't worth anything if they'll cheat on you. But in this income group, taking someone's man is the cardinal sin. You can rob them blind and they will probably forgive you, but you mess up a relationship, your a** is getting whooped.
We won't even go into the fact that these kids shouldn't be worrying about love right now. But it's a status thing to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Maybe it's there way of saying "somebody cares about me".
So, hopefully I will have a nice little post about the great knock down drag out fight. I'll be glad when it's over and the tension is gone.

Middle School Lingo

Green=gay
Booty=similar to ghetto, but the exact meaning is unclear.
Bootleg=see above. May also mean "not legit"
Aw Man!=Teacher, you are not being fair or reasonable
Tappin=Hitting the desk to a rythem, usually in quiet time
Steppin=A shuffle dance performed by individuals in place
Throw Down=Fight
Walmart=Saying something is from Walmart is an insult, saying you are too poor and too stupid to shop elsewhere.

Repeat....Repeat...Repeat

“Please follow my instructions. Bob, please follow my instructions. Bob, you need to do your work. Just sitting there is not an option. I will write a referral. You need to do your work….” And on and on it went.
One of my student’s, who shall be known as Bob, is emotionally disturbed, daddy in Jail, and who knows what crap going on at home. His favorite thing to do, come to CM, say “I wanna go back to class” go to class and say, “ I wanna go to CM”. Then, if we try to make him work, its “I don’t wanna work. I don’t wanna do this.” I spent 30 minutes today getting him to do work that should have taken 5. I still don’t know how I got through to him that it was a better option to do this. Perhaps it was the threat of the referral combined with effusive praise anytime he answered a problem. I don’t know.
That is one thing about kids, especially kids in the poverty level income bracket. If you criticize them, they don’t connect that as the result of a poor choice. They think you are just hatin on them. So you have to praise them a lot so they can see you aren’t just “The Man” out to get them. Otherwise, you are tuned out.

Thanksgiving

Oh, I love the school year schedule! We just came off of a 5 day weekend and boy did we need it! The kids came back calmer, the teachers don't look as frazzled, and all in all we are doing well. I'm not enjoying getting up early again, but hey, I would have gotten bored at home eventually.
Plus, when I came back, I had a big surprise. I actually missed these kids! Even my "problem" children. I'm getting to know them, and I guess I'm getting attached to them a bit. Who woulda thunk it?

Stuck

Well, I think I finally figured out why I have been so frustrated lately with work. This whole week, I have been looking at the kids and asking myself, what the heck? When are they going to calm down and act normal? When will they quit just being rude little twits? And then, one of the student's I actually have had a chance to work with hugged me. Now this kiddo, she has some problems. She gets into fights alot, and she spends alot of time in SAC (In School Suspension). But she is a sweet kid. You can just see her background coming through. No one's taught her how to interact appropriatly. That's why I am so frustrated. In my posistion, I don't get the chance to get to know most of these kids. I'm just the mean aid who gets in their hair all the time.
So, I'm going to try to put out feelers for moving to an ABU (Adaptive Behavior Unit), or a Lifeskills (for very low level students) classroom. ABU would be crazy, but I'd have a relationship with the kids. What the heck is the point of this anyway, if I don't have that?

This Week

Wow, it's been awhile since I've updated. Didn't mean to leave it on that rant for so long. This post will be more of a summary of the week than a specific topic.
On Tuesday, I was feeling rather sleep deprived, and amazingly enough, that put me in a rather good mood. Student J, who always comes in here with an attitude, well, I had the hardest time not laughing while helping him. I never realized how funny these kids are. Student J kept asking the "computer lady" what she did, and telling her teachers who had broken computers. Maybe it's just me, but for Mr. Juevenile Delinquent to be givnig her a list of broken computers, well that is irony.
Yesterday wasn't so fun. I heard the teacher next door, who has no discipline, yell "Just shut up" at her kids. Next thing I know she's crying and her worst offenders are trying to comfort her. Well, it ends up with two admins, including the principal. Well, they kinda yell at the kids, and the student teachers start teaching, and eventually the admins leave. Now it's just me, and two student teachers. This class had just made their teacher cry, and your leaving a paraprofessional in charge? I mean I could handle it, but still. What am I, a shit handler? But those kids, man, they are on my watch list. Especially student X. His behavior is pretty extreme, and he knows the line. He knows how far he can push without getting in trouble. Though he'd better be careful with me. I am determined he will learn to behave appropriatly or go to S.O.S.

Put your clothes on!

Ok, let me warn you, today was rough, so this will be a rant.

People, were you disciplined by your parents? Do you believe in spanking your children? Do you teach your children to obey instructions?
If you answered no to any of the above, your to stupid to be parents. Please, end the polluting of the gene pool and keep it in your pants. No, not even use condoms, they aren't full proof enough. With you, we just can't take any chances. Cause not only are you an idiot, your kids will be twice as bad.
Many of the kids I dealt with today came from this lazy sludgish area of the gene pool. Kids who, when their principal tells them to do something, they just yell at her. Hell, these kids aren't smart enough to know self preservation.
I love having a 12 year old snot yelling at me that it's too cold outside when his sweatshirt is bunched up around his neck with the arms hanging down front and back.
It's like, ok dumbass, if you put your clothes on, it won't be so damn cold.
And it's not the kids fault. There parents never should have been aloud to breed. I truly believe there should be some divine genetic thing that makes you sterile if your an idiot.
ok. /rant off.

Quote of the Day

Man, and I was surprised she looked good, because teachers are the ugliest people ever!

(Junior highers are not known for their tact.)

I miss those kids?

What am I thinking. Student T was a pain in the ass. He wasn't sped, but just came to CM I think to drive us crazy. He would sing wordlessly and off key at the top of his lungs. But he moved, and I"m sad.
Now Student N says he may go back to California. Now, N is a very pacifistic, whiny, avoiding student. But I don't want him to go to California. He'll be lost there.
Do I actually care about these kids?

Quote of the Morning

"Well if she gets him, I'm not going to talk to her anymore, and there will be consequences."
( 3 student's were talking in the hall, apparently about how one girl was going to fight with another girl if girl 2 took girl 1's man. Funny how she talks like the teachers, saying there will be consequences, when referring to fighting.)

A student really said this!

(The following was said by a 7th grader as he sat in front of a computer with IE on Google.)

"Ms, how do you spell cheat?"

Apologizing

One thing I've had to get over is my feeling of "Us Against Them". My natural instinct is to never show weakness, never admit when your wrong...because if you do, the kids won't respect you anymore.
And you do have to be careful...but mostly to just be fair.
Today I had been short with a kid who is causing us alot of problems. He made the comment of how none of the teachers liked him now. Talk about a rough situation! So later in the day, when we had both calmed down, I went up to him and said I was sorry. And he smiled. I haven't seen this kid smile in weeks! I still expect problems, but at least he knows now I'll admit when I'm wrong. And that I do care. That may make the biggest difference.

Confuse them with praise!

I don't know what got into me. Was it the poodle skirt, the free fries, or perhaps I was just so far into the negative zone I had no where left to go. I started praising the kids in the hallway. I got some strange looks let me tell you. But rather than yelling "stop running, quit hitting, quit shouting..." I said "Thank you for your hallway behavior, your doing a great job". I know it sounds corny, but it let me not yell, and I was able to praise the kids doing their job.
I hope to pair it up with rewards after halloween. the kids might really go for that.

Threats and inaction

You should be able to feel safe coming to work. Like reasonable measures are being taken to protect you. Then you have a student threaten to shoot a teacher, and all our Principle does is give him a talking to. Shows how much we are valued doesn't it? Especially since a similar threat against a kid would result in AT LEAST in school suspension. Shows the offense doesn't matter, just the likelyhood of lawsuits.

Shut up and Screw the Kid over!

We were all prepared for a helpful meeting where we could discuss how to help Student M. Student M should be in the Adaptive Behavior Unit, but his crazy momma won't let him. Well, the Principal obviously didn't want us to discuss this, as she invited crazy momma. Yup, that's how she told us to keep our yaps shut. Who cares the kid won't get help.

Twas A Day In School

Twas a day in school, when all through the halls,
Not a student was listening, not paying attention at all.
Round the teacher’s necks, their cares had been hung,
Each praying for peace, before student’s necks they rung.

The children were yelling, as loud as they could,
We won’t do our work, even if we should!
Frustrated beyond belief, I stood up shout,
I can’t take it any more, I want out!

I’m tired of working, being insulted each day,
All this crap, for hardly any pay.
I pick up my bag, heading for the door,
I’m really upset, my temper very sore.

But then I see him, quiet as can be,
A student is trying, this amazes me.
The math is hard, but he sticks out his tongue,
He keeps working the problems, till at last he is done.

Tears fill my eyes, as he stands up to go,
And suddenly I remember, what I do this job for.
To teach that one student, anxious to learn,
To help him succeed, for this I yearn.

So I put down my bag, and walk through the mess.
I’ve found one reason to stay, I have passed the test.

(amazing how creative I get when days are hard)

Quote of the Day (a kid actually said this)

" It's like breaking and entering, you go straight to the clothes."
-female 7th grader.

Death in the air

One of the scariest things to face is that which you can't see. Apparently there is a new Staph bacteria out there which is resistant to anti-biotics. And it's airborne, so any open wound could let this lethal bug in. We already have 2 students in the hospital fighting off this thing.
So what do you do when your afraid, yet you have to lead your students? What do you do about the ones who smell, have tons of sores, but won't cover them? How do we protect them, yet protect ourselves? Perhaps its paranoia, but I'm afraid of getting to close to these kiddos now. Aids, lice, and now staph. What's next?

Psalm 23 for Substitutes

The Lord is my helper, when I must sub.
He leadeth me to the lesson plans, he makes me lie down in joy when it's over.
He restores my energy.
He leads me in the path of education for his name sake.

Yea, though I walk in the halls of a middle school, I will fear no student; for thou art with me.

Thy verses on patience, they comfort me.

Thou preparest cafeteria food for me in the presence of my tough kids;
Thou anointeth my head with wisdom, my joy at student's learning overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me throughout the day;
And I shall not have to sub forever.

It Worked!

Wow, this is so cool. I was going into a class that had a sub and was noisy, and I just stared at them. Pretty soon I heard "you know she's watching yall right?" At that point, I went in and gave them the I need your attention signal. They were quiet! Everytime I use boys town, I feel like it's not going to work, but then it does. This is so cool.

Which Leg

9/28
I've written about Student J before, how she cussed me out, and then a week later I cussed next to her in the heat of the moment. Well todays incident with J was , well, it was interesting.
J came in 1st period with another student. The other student signed in, and J did not. Now we have to have our kiddos sign in, cause otherwise we could get sued. Not complying with federal regulations and all that. So I tell J, "Please sign in." She throws a bit of a fit, and then decids it will be great fun to stretch from her seat to the other table where the book is.
Surprise surprise, J's booty hits the ground. Well her hip actually.
Now, there is no more happy J. J is talking about how much her hip hurts. So I call the nurse, ( I actually believed she might be hurt when she cried), and the nurse comes and checks her out. Finally, we get the go ahead to help J up.
Here's where it gets funny. She stands up on the leg that was supposedly hurt so badly. The nurse says something about it, and she switches legs.
So were the tears fake? But the wierder thing is, J and I now get along ok. Did this "incident" somehow make me ok?

1 Principle, 2 principle hahaha

Subbing is the thing I like least about my job. But I get stuck with alot. That's the risk of being a TA with a degree. They can legally have you teach.
On this day, I was stuck with a very "interesting" class. 1-3rd periods weren't that bad. No, they were just he warm up. 4th period was the definite winner for the "Drive me Crazy!" award.
I did everything I could think of. I yelled. I threatened. I cajoled. Finally I called the office. I was very surprised to see not only Ms. H, but also Ms. P (a counselor who used to have this class). Even then they would not shut up. Eventually, Ms. H got them quiet (well quiet enough), and took them outside one at a time to talk to them. Then Ms. P taught the class. It was freaking amazing how she started explaining about verbs and suddenly those bratty faces were filled with rapt attention. It blew my mind.
Well after this I thought, Ok, the rest of the day will be ok. Ms. P stayed for the first part of 5th period. She had to go back to her office, but she told them she'd be back in 15 minutes. 5 minutes after they left, the talking started. And got louder. Finally, an instructional specialist, Mrs. R, came over. She has had lots of experience working with difficult classes. But these kids, nothing. Just kept chattering. Sure, 70% would be quiet, but the other 30% would keep going. We had four girls in there with horrible attitudes. You'd try to correct them and they would act all "sassy".
Well Ms. H came by. And Ms. P came back. It wasn't until Ms. H took the sassy bunch to the office and Ms. P kicked two boys out of class, that things finally quieted down. 30 kids, and 4 adults. How can any class be that bad?

And they are off! (crap, come back!)

It had been such a quiet day. The kiddos seemed to be in a good mood. All I had left was 3o minutes of watching parents pick up their offspring. No big deal right?
Wrong.
The trouble started with an altercation between several ladies that almost ended in a fight. I sent the other teacher out there to get help while I tried to seperate the two girls. Well Ms. H comes out and gets one of the kids inside. Mr. C, another vice principle comes out to talk to a parent. Suddenly, Ms. H runs out, grabs Mr. C, and they run off towards the major highway.
Imagine what you would think, if you were 13 and saw your VP's running. Probably the same thing my babies thought.
"Wow, if they are running, something good must be going down."
So all my kids, 40 or so, get up on the benches to watch. When Ms. H and Mr. C switch directions and run towards the south end of the school, all 40 kids run after them.
All I wanted was to stop one kid. That's all. Just one. But they just pushed on by. This is when I was sitting there, frustrated, not knowing what to do, that I said "Oh shit!"
Right next to the girl I'd written up for cussing.
Yeah, that was a big slice of humble pie.

(I never did corral the kids, but the VP's chased em back)

prevent a fight. 2 vp's run off towards highway to chase a kid who was running away from a citation. then they run towards south side of the school. so do 40 kids.
I end up cussing next to the girl I wrote up. That looked good.

Banging my head against the wall

9/22
Sometimes, it seems as if I am in front of a brick wall, just repeatedly walking into it.
In Content Mastery, we often have "problem" kids sent to us. The teacher is tired of the kid, but doesn't have time to write a referral so they send them our way. Student M is that way. When I see student M walking the door, I groan inside. The first time M came by today, I tried to help him, I really did. But he just sang and danced and tapped (this annoying banging the table to a beat thing), so loudly, none of the other students could get any work done. So I told him to leave. He ran out of the room.
That afternoon M was back. Same scenario. I told him to leave and he ran out of the room. But this time I was not alone in the room, so I went to where his class was, and beat him there. Pretty amazing considering the breakneck pace he took off at. And the look on M's face when he saw me. He could just not figure out how I, a lowly adult, had beat him. Now when he sees me he turns and goes the other way. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Cussing

There is this one girl at school, who is known for having a temper. I'll call her Student B. Now Student B and I have not gotten along well in the past. She has seen I'm going to be her sub and has run out of the room before. On this day, I was going in from afterschool duty, where I make sure no one is killed waiting for their parents to pick them up, and was telling a girl that she could not follow me into the school. B starts backtalking, saying "Yes she can." etc. I go in and am walking away when I hear B call me a P**sy, C*nt, and B*tch. Now, these children know they are not allowed to use that language, especially directed at an adult. So I go and try to warn her. I'm not mean, I don't want this kid to get a citation.
And B starts saying "Quit lying Miss, I didn't cuss at you. Your lying..." so on and so forth. So to make a long story short, she received a referral, and I went away bemused.

(3 days later she apologized that "you thought I was cussing at you". She still wouldnt admit it!)

One referal, Two referals....

9/22
This week has flown by so quickly, I don't even know where to start. I know interesting things happened in the past 2 days, but damned if I remember them. We had a fight in the cafeteria, on Monday I think. That is crazy. In the hallway, it is easy to block off the non involved kids. In the cafeteria, it was like watching water flow out of a pool that just had a hole punched in it. It was probably pretty funny, watching me, sitting on my chair with my donut pillow. NIce and quiet. Then I leap out of my seat and start shoving through kids. I get to the front, then little ol 5 foot me starts shoving the other way, yelling to go back to your seats. Half the kids just try to get past me, the other half saying "my seats over there", pointing in the direction of the fight. But there is no point to trying to explain to them, so I just keep yelling and herding. Eventually we get the kids seated again, and our principle comes on stage. It takes her 5 minutes to get the kids to shut up, and then she starts listing the consequences of their innapropriate behavior: losing outdoor time, possibly losing their pep rally. One table just kept talking, so I went over to try to quiet them down. I pointed out that they were not working towards keeping or regaining any privliges. They didn't care! They just didn't give a damn. I don't know why that amazes me so much, but it does. How can nothing affect them?

Chaos

8/20/04
Middle school really is nothing more than organized chaos, or perhaps barely controlled chaos is a better term. When I have to sub for a class, it is crazy. The kids talk constantly, get up from there seats, hit each other, & most importantly, do their best to ignore or derail me. Trying to get them quiet so I can teach the kids who want to learn is an ongoing battle. Then I get the chance to see tenured teachers, and it's the same thing. They are just better at re-directing the little hellions.

The Fashion Variable

8/20/04
Why is it that personal expression in students leads to such bad behavior? Of course, I'm not sure that the worst behaved students understand personal expression. A lot of them are dressing like Usher, or other R&B stars. One think I know, if I see a kid wearing an outfit off a music video, they are going to give me trouble. Also, the kids with the oversized pastel jersey's, look out! It doesn't (or hasn't yet) affected my initial treatment of them. They don't give it time.
Look at me 5 days a teachers aid and already labeling kids.

Survival Tips for the Subs

• Don't expect perfection. Especially right now. Half compliance with an attitude is a small victory.
• Pick your battles. These kids are great at distraction, and can start a fight over anything. Let the little stuff go.
• Give them choices. They can do assignment A (the fun one) or assignment B (This one has lots of writing). Explain that their actions will determine what happens. (This only works for some kids, but it's worth a try)
• DON'T DO GROUPWORK. Screw what the lesson plan says. Groupwork is the death of all subs. These kids don't like you & want to mess with you, and can do so more effectively in a group. One class I had thought this meant play time, another refused to speak with each other.
• Don't show fear. Kids can smell fear, and will eat you alive.
• Don't allow seat changes. Any change in structure increases chaos, and gives your bratty kids more power.
  

Sub a dub dub

Perhaps I'm getting the hang of this subbing thing. Perhaps one day, I'll get the hang of being friendly to the kids & having them obey. I feel a bit like a bear at the moment. But hopefully that will change as we delve deeper into the year. I get the feeling the kids are still testing everything, especially me. I was called mean earlier when I gave Ms. A's class a writing assignment. The sub had given them free time, & they were going nuts. I was proud of myself for not being intimidated.
Why Junior high kids should intimidate me, I don't know, but they are freaking scary!
I see so much going on in there adolescent heads. I hope someday I get to see them mature.

Yo, Coach!

8/27/04
Coaches can have such an amazing impact on a kids life. Kid X had been telling me he wasn't stupid and didn't need our help. So I had Coach B (who had been a sped kid himself) to talk to him. I think he'll do better now. He sure seemed happier the next time I saw him.

Arrgggg

8/25/04
I hate subbing. Why is it that I can have 5 kids and they make me want to scream? I want to cuss, but I keep this on my desk, so I can't. I like just doing paperwork. It's peaceful. So What now? Is this screwed up career number 3? I never want to teach brats like this again. But I won't have a choice. If I get stuck with them tomorrow, I'm going to have the a principle stop by 4th period, and probably send brat #1 to the office first thing.

Knockout

8/24/04
Just witnessed my 1st fight. You could see it building. Kids were yelling. I saw one kid holding another back. Every movement was a little more pronounced. Then it broke out. The principle said something in her radio & started to break it up. I just watched at first. I didn't know what to do. I tried to keep the kids away from it, but it seemed pointless till the other teachers joined in. Could I have done more though??

Knock Out

8/24/04
Just witnessed my 1st fight. You could see it building. Kids were yelling, louder than normal. I saw one kid holding another back. Every movement was a little more pronounced. Then it broke out. The popular VPrinc. muttered something into her radio & dived right into break it up. I just watched at first. I didn't know what to do. I tried to keep kids away from it, but it seemed pointless till the other teachers joined in. Now I wonder should I have helped the V.Princ? What else could I have done?

Is it me?

8/23
Do I just piss the kids off? The sub today was doing well until I poked my head in. Then Brat #2 went off. Was it the act of interruption or was it myself? (later I found out that it was just the kids standard operating procedure)

Not quiet Cinderella

8/23/04
Day 3 with kids. I wish I had more confidence. With this age you have to be confident. If your not, the kids pick up on that, & they will eat you alive. Today I was challenging some kids in the hall, walking backwards, and my sandal came off. Yeah, they had a long hard laugh over that.
I'm not really sure what I should be doing at the moment. I've been testing kids, but what else? I wonder if my teach is frustrated with me yet?

Lock Down

8/20/04
I wish we could let these kids be more free to express themselves, instead of having to force them into this rigid rule structure. But they give us no choice. We these students, we HAVE to teach them how to survive in society. If we don't get through to them, who will? I wonder how many of the kids we are sending to the office are headed straight to jail? And thus, free expression falls to necessity.